Im ruined

My agoraphobia has gotten so severe since december when I had the biggest panic attack i’ve ever had, it was so traumatic i was close to killing myself during it if my dad didn’t come get me. Since then I feel that same level of panic when I go outside, I’ve been taking meds to try to help but to no avail. I just cancelled my doctors appointment because Im spiralling thinking about going, the bad thing is I really need it because I have a bad ear infection, I have more anxiety because of it but I can’t take the first step to getting help, so I just live with it instead. It hurts a lot but not as much as my panic does.