Protective mom here. I left when I felt like I had to, but I still wonder—will my kid hate me for when I left?

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Hi. I don’t know if this is the right place, but I’m hoping for insight from adults who grew up in abusive homes—especially ones where your mom either stayed too long or left when things got serious. I’m trying to figure out if I’m doing the right thing for my baby, and I guess I need to hear from people who were once the kid in this kind of mess.

My baby’s father has struggled with serious mental health issues since November of 2023. I got pregnant in April of 2024. At that time he was doing okay ish. I just couldn’t terminate my pregnancy. I couldn’t. So we did what we needed to and got an apartment. The whole pregnancy sucked because we were in the thick of it with his mental health. The same month I had my baby, his dad was hospitalized for the first time. He’s also struggled with substance issues. I tried so hard to get him help.

His mental health issues have made it really hard for him to show up as a parent in a meaningful way. I’ve basically been raising my son on my own. He’s the most happiest sweetest easy baby in the whole world. He def has my personality.

The second time he began falling apart (early April 2025) prior to his most recent hospitalization, I called his treatment clinic four days in a row asking to speak to a supervisor because I didn’t have consent to speak to his team. So for 4 days I called crying, begging for them to do something. I called DASH multiple times. I even called the police when things got scary. He was hospitalized and seemed better for a while after discharge. I really thought maybe we’d turned a corner.

But then, the thing that changed everything happened.

On the day of a routine appointment, I was in the kitchen—about 20 feet away, not in direct sight but still within earshot. The baby was in his bouncer. His father walked over, bent down, and seconds later, I heard my baby cry out. When I came over, there was a human bite mark on his arm.

A bite mark. On my 7-month-old.

I immediately called my therapist in tears. Took him to the pediatrician. Said out loud, “I think his father bit him.” They called CPS. I went to the hospital as per my Drs advice so they could do x rays on my son to make sure there was no old things. There werent. SVU got involved and his dad was arrested that night. I was advised to press charges and I did. The mark matched his teeth. It was officially documented.

I haven’t left them alone together since mid-March. Even then, it was maybe 15–20 minutes at most for a quick run to the store. I had already started to feel unsafe. The day this happened, I wasn’t even out of the room, just not able to see directly. But I was there.

Now there’s a stay-away order. CPS indicated the case. There’s a neglect petition (not filed by me—placed by CPS). My baby has a court-appointed lawyer. I have mine. We live with my mom now. It’s safe, peaceful, and quiet. My baby is thriving. I have temporary full custody. The family court and criminal court stuff is still unfolding.

But emotionally I’m not okay. This has been the most isolating thing I’ve ever lived through. I don’t talk about it with anyone in real life. Not my friends. Not my coworkers. No one knows except my mom brother and therapist and of course my sons Dr. I’m just trying to keep it together for my baby. I’m trying to heal. I’m trying to be the mom he needs. And honestly? It’s a heavy, invisible weight. I feel so alone. I feel so isolated. The emotional pain is crushing. It is a very heavy weight to carry of being the protective parent. I wouldn’t change it for anything though. I’ll do anything for my boy.

I am in therapy (I’m 30 I have been in therapy since 17 years old) and I’m medicated so my mental health is pretty well controlled and I think I’m handling this situation the best I can but I’m constantly second guessing myself. Constantly wondering if I’m doing enough. And I’m paranoid about doing or saying the wrong thing or anything really. I know the OP is for my son and his dad but I know CPS is watching every move I make. I can’t lose my baby. He’s my whole world. I’m following everything they tell me. I’m complying, not missing court dates. I’ll do anything.

I guess what I’m asking is: if you were the kid in this situation, would you have wanted your mom to leave sooner? Would you have hated her for staying—or for walking away when she did?

I also think about his first birthday coming up in November, and how his dad probably won’t get to see him. Part of me feels guilt about that. But I know my baby’s safety has to come first. Always.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be with his dad again. That’s not the point right now. I just need to know I’m doing right by my son. That someday, he’ll understand.

Thanks for reading. I’m open to anything—honest answers, hard truths, kind support. Whatever you’ve got.