My mom has very strong disdain for my wife

My wife (30F) and I (36M) have been married 2 years and we have a 1 year old daughter. My wife moved to Canada so we can build a life together and raise a family. She does not have any family here but does have some friends she communicates with on occasion. Her mother is overseas and has some mental health issues that requires my wife to be in very frequent contact with her.

Earlier this month my mother in law had a crisis with her housing and needed to move out by the end of the month. Simply put if nothing is done she would very likely become homeless by the end of June. My wife did not hesitate to get on the first flight out to go help her mother. Unfortunately, this crisis overlapped with our daughters first birthday.

While my wife is out of town my daughter and I moved in with my mom and stepfather so they can take care of our daughter while I am at work (WFH so I am still nearby). My wife still checks in daily with a whatsapp video call to see and talk to her daughter, even though it's mostly childish babbling. During a couple of these calls my mom would try to entertain our daughter to "show" my wife but this had the opposite effect because all it did was distract her and so my wife wasn't able to really get any attention. I asked my mom to try and keep distractions to a minimum while my wife is trying to talk to our daughter which somehow offended her. Apart from this my mom and step dad have really stepped up and been a great help.

In recent weeks whenever I have been around my mom and grandmother I would sometimes be fed fairly ridiculous parenting advice that comes from the Soviet era which I fairly quickly reject because it borders on abusive. For example, on one occasion I was told I should keep my 10 month old teething daughter awake all day, refuse naps, so she can have a longer uninterrupted sleep at night. When I rejected this idea my grandmother began talking to my mom about how much collective parenting experience they have as if I am not in the room. This made my blood boil.

While living with my mom I was again given all kinds of parenting advice concerning her diet. We are vegetarians however we have built a meal plan that provides her with the necessary protein, fat, iron, vitamins, etc. and we have also ran it by our family doctor. My mother has on multiple occasions expressed her concern for raising our daughter a vegetarian and suggested to feed her meat, and just not to tell my wife about it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and told her this is a great way to make sure my wife never speaks to you again.

Now for the birthday... For days leading up to my daughters birthday I was asked by my mom and sister what the plans are. There were no plans, not while the mother of my child was away. I thought I had made myself clear but still on the day of her birthday my mom, stepdad, grandmother, and sister arrived with gifts. I was working and it was just some toys that will be in her pile of other toys so I didn't make anything of it. Then I noticed my sister brought cake and candles. When I saw this I told her straight away we are not opening the cake, not lighting a candle, and not having a birthday party without my wife. My sister began to argue with me about my decision by saying this isn't about me and is about my daughter and the "family". I again repeated we are not doing a birthday party without my wife. Both my mom and sister tried to convince me this is not a party. We had people, gifts, and birthday cake, and candles - sure looks like a birthday party to me! Then my sister tried to pull rank on me as "the aunt" and said I am being a douche bag at which point I completely lost my shit. I was sick of having to explain my decisions time and time again to my grandmother, mom, and now my sister. A lot of screaming ensued between my sister and I (unfortunately in my daughters presence) and ultimately my step father told us both to get out for 30 minutes.

Later that evening my mom tried to talk some sense into me repeating the same old bullshit about feeding my daughter meat and keeping it from my wife, how this was not a birthday party, and then she began to lay down her feelings towards my wife. My wife is currently a stay at home mom. Prior to getting pregnant she had finished an undergraduate degree but was not able to find work. She is in a new country without any family and I am doing my best to support her to build a career she will be satisfied with. My mom however expressed that my wife is an unemployed child who doesn't understand the value of money. My mom also tried to hug it out with me which I could not do - she does not feel any of this is an issue and thinks my wife and I are just sensitive.

My wife frequently told me she thinks my mom doesn't like her but I defended my mom referring to language barriers and cultural differences. At this point though I am pretty convinced; my mom has a strong disdain for my wife and I am furious with how my wife and I are being treated.

TL;DR I am constantly questioned about my decisions as a father by my mom/grandmother/sister. We are vegetarians and my mom has suggested we feed my daughter meat and just not tell my wife. They wanted to have a birthday party for my daughter without my wife and don't feel there is anything wrong while my wife is deeply hurt.