AIO About Expecting my Boyfriend to Cover the Cost of the Trip. (F&M in 20's)

Before I get into the details, I want to give some background about me and my boyfriend. I’m a woman in my early 20s, and he’s in his late 20s. I just graduated college this year and will be starting my career in less than a month. I still live at home with my parents. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is an engineer who makes around $100k a year, has been in his career for almost a decade, and owns his own home. We’ve been dating for five years.

For storytelling purposes, I’ll call my boyfriend Pete.

Here’s the situation: Pete asked me to go out of state with him to celebrate his friend’s birthday. I was a little hesitant at first, but I agreed. I tried to hype myself up and get excited since it would be our first time traveling “alone-ish” together. I’ve always dreamed of going on a romantic vacation with just the two of us, and while this wasn’t exactly that, it felt close. He knows I want to travel with him, but we haven’t gone anywhere yet because he expects me to pay my share. Being a broke college student for most of our relationship made that really hard.

Anyway, the plan was to drive to a neighboring state—about a 4-hour trip—and stay at his friend’s apartment. He told me we’d be sleeping on the sofa. I wasn’t thrilled about that, but I went along with it. Originally, we were going to take the train, but Pete decided against it because it was $200 per person. I suggested taking a bus instead—it was $300 for a round trip—but he also thought that was too expensive. He ended up deciding to drive and pay for parking, which cost around $50.

At this point, I started getting frustrated, and I sent him a passive-aggressive text:

Me: "$300 is still pretty cheap. I was gonna say I can pay bc it’ll be more convenient. It’s confusing that you’ll pay around $500 on Magic cards, but not $300 on a bus ride.”

Pete: “Lol I mean Magic cards I can have years of entertainment and they have resale value. But if you’re willing to pay your half, I’m willing to.”

After reading that, I felt completely turned off and emotionally distant. It just felt like I wasn’t worth the money to him. I don’t feel special when I’m with him. I want more, but then I feel ashamed for wanting that—like maybe I’m expecting too much. After all, I’m just his girlfriend, not his wife.

I asked my friends what they thought. One said he was being cheap and that her boyfriend pays for their trips. Another friend said it’s totally normal to split costs and that she and her boyfriend do it. My mom, though, was really upset and told me not to go on the trip at all, so he could learn how to treat me.

We ended up going. I pushed down how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin the vibe. I wanted us to have a good time. Pete paid for my meals (I only ordered water so I wouldn’t make the bill higher), and I paid for my alcoholic drinks. On the drive back, he kept getting annoyed about the tolls, to the point that I offered to pay them. He refused. Later, he mentioned that the trip cost him around $500 and commented on how expensive it was. I didn’t respond, but in my head I thought, “That’s not that much for a two-day trip.”

When we got back to his place, I felt all those bottled-up emotions come flooding back. I didn’t show it, but I felt cold and disconnected. On my drive home, I kept thinking:

“Am I expecting too much? I’m only his girlfriend, not his wife.”

“But if the roles were reversed, I would’ve paid for him. If he offered to pay I would turn him down–unless it was for something small. I would do this because I have a career job and he just graduated college. I would pay because I know he’s just starting out.”

“I hear so many stories from people I talk to about their boyfriends surprising them with vacations, thoughtful gifts, and gestures. I want that too… but maybe I’m asking for too much.”

To wrap it up…

Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend? Is it selfish to want him to pay for the trip?