Hi, I am new, just got a girlfriend and I need serious help

Hey guys, i am new to this community and always overlooked when it appeared on my feed, but now finally decided to join after a few events happening in my life that left me thinking for a while. What I am about to say is my biggest secret and genuinely the worst thing of my life, i wish i could finish this.

I have always been a fapper, no joke, very literal. Since I have memory I have somehow achieved "cumming" by stimulating my penis with my hands. The problem my bros is that I have never actually masturbated the original way like how they show in porn... i achieve sexual orgasm by rubbing my hand on my pants right above my penis... and this is turns difficult when im hard somehow lmao idk... yall might be thinking wow thats awesome you never fap then but thats just wrong this is the biggest curse of my life.

The fact that i only have to touch that part of my pants to make it feel good means I do not need to go to the bathroom... i could do it everywhere as long as I was resting or having my legs close to the eachother, that fact had me doing this since i was a little kid, like i remember even doing it in kindergarden and my teacher saying "why are you doing this? are you nervous?" or my classmates in 4th grade "do you wanna go to the bathroom or smth?" (bc i would have my legs crossed and my hand above my penis). The fact that i have so many freedom to do this since I was able to do it while sitting, turned all this "funny thing" for me into a curse. When I was a kid I would do it for no reason, i cant remember how often, it wasnt like a huge problem since my testicles had not started with semen production yet and I would not get wet.

However while hitting puberty everything changed: I realized that thing i would do was the actual orgasm everyone would talk about, me and my friends would sexualize girls thinking about their bodies and all those kinda things I suppose most of us went through. Hormones were running high, then I started doing this more and more: at least two times a day id say? sometimes three. I could do it thinking on the cutest girl on my classroom or with some hot pic on insta. When porn came to my life I realized what my fetish was: Bras, boobs. So I would always search those kinda things. Was never an addict but a frequent user.

All this turned into a problem for me when i realized while studying for my college application exams i would get horny with a hot pic on insta or with some random thought (not often) . So, I tried to abstain and Surprise! I could actually last longer than what i thought (1 week). I need you to understand how hard this was for me since i can do this while SITTING. And yeah...how do we study? Seated!

When I left to college is where i realized i was getting porn addicted. Sometimes i would watch it three times a day. I would also watch hot girls on tik toks wearing tops or bras. thing lasted for a while beacuse during college i would spend a lot of time locked in my room studying for long periods... the problem is that in those long periods i would fall into temptation like 3 times, making it a productive time of actual 2 and a half hours unfortunately.

I would still pass my courses so that wasnt a huge problem for me. It started to be when i realized all those porn videos and typical girl wearing top videos made me start to sexualize everything i see, and i hate that, it is definitely rotting my brain. I fall into temptation really quick.

Biggest problem: Few months ago got my first girlfriend... (i did and abroad program and now its long distance) she does not want to have sex since she is christian (me too but idc so much about celibate) so i understand though, we both can be horny sometimes and rub our bodies to achieve orgasm together but thats another story. Recently I realized that I am not doing the act of touching my pants above my pens while thinking on her... i mean... a few times! but usually i need more stimulation like a porn girl with big boobs or some hot girl on insta reels. That makes me feel awful. My girlfriend is pretty and she is perfect: good student, sweet, soooo damn innocent (she told she has never touched herself), and she is even hot like she is perfect but she doesnt wear the lululemon kinda top id love to see on porn vids or she doesnt move that well on bed.

Guys i Really need help. I need to detox my mind. there is no way i am thinking my girl is not sexy enough just because she doesnt seem like a porn actrees. she just dresses modesty and its not naughty when having our kind of intimacy and that doesnt turn me on while thinking about her. I have jerk off to many other uglier girls than this just because they look hotter wearing more attractive clothes. My gf is just simple she dresses ok but not with revealing clothes. Once we went to buy clothes and she bought a top i recommended but she was like "this is the first time i am wearing something like this" . I dont want to pervert her. I feel like I need to quit porn right now, also masturbating is so easy to me and i am not doing it while thinking on my girl, my standards for sexy girl are ridiculously unrealistic. Is it that she needs to act a little bit more sexy with me? I think its like 1% that and 99% me. Last problem, I know i can quit porn, but not getting horny with insta or twitter pics seem impossible. Am i cooked? I feel like my only real escape is deleting all socials and cleaning my mind for a long time so i can stop sexualizing women.

I need your point of view in all this. I feel like quitting this quick masturbation would help me in my relationship with her... in my study time and also my personal growth. help my bros