How to move on from emotional affair?

I discovered my wife (28f) has been having an EA. I (34m) love her and I don't want to leave but right now I'm having a hard time even looking at her. Any advice? I'm gonna just drop the whole story because I don't really have anyone to tell it to and it's driving me crazy.

We were on a short vacation. We had someone at home watching our pets and there was an apparent emergency (it ended up being no big deal!). My wife was on the phone with the pet sitter and getting frustrated with them, so she gave me her phone so I could take over the conversation. While we were talking, she gets a few quick WhatsApp notifications from someone with a male name. "good morning", kissy face emojis, and a reaction to a message she had sent previously.

I had already sort of suspected something like this was going on, just based on her body language when she uses her phone around me. You know what it looks like. Tilting the phone screen subtly to the side, quickly locking it and turning it face down when I come into a room, that kind of thing. I've always trusted her so I brushed it off as overthinking and kind of forgot about it. As soon as I saw these messages, though, I knew what I was seeing. To further confirm this, she saw the notification pop up and pretty much leapt across the room to get the phone back. I have never seen her move so quickly.

I stayed calm, got up and walked outside and took some breaths. I came back inside, learned that our pets were going to be fine, and asked her if she'd like to tell me about those notifications and who they were from. Her reply is "a boy who tells me I'm pretty". I pushed for more information and eventually she admitted to "flirting back and forth for less than a week". Spoiler alert: it was a lot more than flirting back and forth for less than a week.

Pretty quickly, she moved into blame-shift mode. She has done this frequently in the past when issues have come up. She's willing to accept responsibility for doing wrong or hurtful things, but only if I'm taking an equal amount of blame. In some cases I can accept that but I'm certain that I didn't do anything to force her to start having this affair.

We went back and forth for a little while. She said sorry a few times, I told her she's only sorry because I found out. Blah blah blah. Eventually she fell asleep and I was up half the night, stuck in a hotel room with her and wanting nothing more than to have somewhere else to go.

The next morning she's taking a shower and leaves her phone on the nightstand. I really don't believe in going through someone else's device but I couldn't help it. I don't know her passcode but just swiping up and seeing the lock screen was enough. Just on the lock screen notifications, she has 20+ heart reactions from him to messages and photos that she has sent. I didn't actually see the photos, and I'm glad I didn't, but the messages were enough.

"I miss you". "I miss talking to you but I like looking at your pictures". "Kiss kiss kiss". "Wouldn't it be so cool to make out like with our actual lips touching wow 😍".

So I'm sitting there shaking and waiting for her to get out of the shower. When she does, I tell her what I saw. Trickle truth begins. It's been going on a lot longer than a week (I still haven't gotten a clear answer on exactly how long), and it's a lot more than flirting. He sends her songs and love poems. They send photos back and forth. Daily good morning, good night messages.

We have a long car ride that day and we argue the whole time. She brings up a lot of ancient history, things I've done wrong in the past (things I regret, things I have owned, taken responsibility for, and changed), all as a way to justify this. Defending and deflecting at every turn. Eventually it got to a point where she seemed actually sorry, but only because she was realizing that she couldn't put this on me.

I never asked to see the messages. Thinking about what might be there made me sick to my stomach and still is as I type this. She says it's over and that she blocked him, but I don't believe her. They're connected on several apps. He is in another country so it doesn't have potential to become physical, but I don't think physical would bother me as much as this does.

I'm having a hard time believing anything she says. I don't believe that it's over. I don't believe that she's sorry. I don't believe that it didn't mean anything to her. I don't believe that she would have confessed and/or stopped had I not found out.

I love her so much. I don't want to leave her, although I know some people will say I should. But how can I move on from this? I would love to say it's a mistake, no big deal, and move past it, but that feels huge and impossible, at least right now.

Maybe just getting this out of my head for a minute will help, but I do appreciate any advice that this community can offer.

TLDR - wife had an emotional affair (long distance, online). I don't want to leave her, but don't see how I can get past it. Help?