dated a muslim as a non muslim

Hi im just here to dump all my thoughts out since i feel like ive been putting this guy on a pedestal and cant move on. so as u can see on the title, i dated a muslim guy as a non practicing catholic. he is introspective, religious and spiritual so the whole time we talked, he gave me a lot of wisdom from that. actually because of him, i became more open and started researching more about religion and spirituality. until now, i still think about what he’s told me and i still admire how he thinks and how he has a clear set of morals and values

anyways we talked for 4 months before we dated. the whole time he knew i wasnt a big believer of god. we talked about islam and he brought up the fact that talking to girls is haram and he could only marry muslims. he even labeled me as a “coworker” instead of a friend or anything. few weeks of talking lager, he acted more distant and even said things like “yk this isnt serious right” or “i probably wont even talk to u next year.” or even asked himself questions like “should i remain holy and never date again or have one last girl until i stop” so i thought “oh maybe he did like me but it clicked more to him that we cant be together”. anyways i was mad that he led me on but whatever right? but no, he talked to me again.

fast forward, we dated and when we did he mentioned that i was the first non muslim woman hes been with. he mentioned how comfortable he was with me saying things like “my ex would never wear cropped shirts like this” or “my ex would always be hesitant with making out and going out on a whim but with u, ur always up for anything.” or once he even told me that when he makes out with his exes and the girl is hesitant, he just goes in his head “well are we gonna do this or what… cause were already doing it” basically hes judging them cause of the fact that theyre already sinning but they r acting like they arent. STUFF LIKE THAT. now that i wrote it down i see how bad this was but at the time i took it as a compliment). anyways even when i went to his house, he was more initiative of doing physical stuff. hes also more vocal saying things like i love you right as we started dating. he even said one time that we could try out having sex and i said that i didnt think hed wanna do that cause hes a virgin and that is wrong. but he said he didnt wanna deprive me of that cause we’re now in a relationship and im obviously not muslim. anyways he was more willing and experienced to this stuff than i was. he even told me once not to drink while i was dating him which was weird but since i dont drink anyways and he knew that i thought maybe its fine

i tried to bring up the major topic of religion once we started dating too cause ik it’s important to him. i told him how i didnt think he would like me. he asked why and i said “because im not muslim.” but all he said was a sigh and an “i know.”

so when we broke up, i went to his house and we made out and everything. he even asked me to do more extreme physical things to him but i said no which he respected. and then he sat down and i sat down and he told me we should break up. now im left confused cause why would u ask me to make out and do everything with u when u were already planning to break up with me. he told me it was either a few days ago or a few days later but ig it happened rn. he also said that he knew it had to end by the end of the month because his parents are coming back and he would feel too guilty. i asked him “yk i dont date around right?” (basically i mean that if i were to date even if we dont marry, i would at least want a serious one, not a short physical one) and all he said was “yeah but rhats what dating is u date for however long.”. also after the breakup he aaid he wants to say something but maybe not. so i said say it and he just said “ur gonna have a hard time keeping a guy” which he is right but he was my first boyfriend and idk how to act yet.

im just confused because he has thought me so much and he thinks so much about his actions but he couldnt resist just not leading me on? he was my first boyfriend ever and he planned things for us to do and we never got to do them. why would he even plan it if he wasnt willing to at least do it before he breaks up with me. he just thought me so much and i admire the way he sees and treats the world that it just feels so wrong that he could do that to me?

i mean i also want perfect in the relationship. first off i wasnt very affectionate and i wont initiate romantic stuff. i would sometimes be rude and dont accept his help when hes just tryna be sweet. idk i feel bad too. i also dont want u guys to hate him i feel like ive been flaming this guy but he was actually a nice person. he lives intentionally with a reason as to why he does things. he journals and reflects. he is one of the most religious muslims ive met, even more religious than his brother. he has goals and everything. its just this that im confused about.

also he keeps insisting on a good breakup which i agreed to when we started dating cause were coworkers. but he keeps insinuating about our relationship and also keeps talking to me when im avoiding talking to him. i wanted to keep our talks work related but he just seems so unbothered like nothing happened. he would insinuate on our past and when i confront it he’ll say “oh thats a past chapter of my life i dont wanna talk about that” in a joking manner. like i got no closure at all. i just want him to know that he also did me wrong.