Stomach bug 6DPO. Have to cancel and move my 1 week post OP appointment.

Emetophobia and tmi cw

I am livid. I did everything I possibly could to avoid getting sick and it still happened anyway. I feel like absolute shit, so much so it's actually making me regret my surgery. That's how bad my post OP depression is rn. (But I mean wouldn't I have gotten sick either way? I didn't catch this at the hospital, I caught it from my partner. Doesn't matter, logic doesn't apply right now.)

I NEED to be staying hydrated and eating a lot, but I can hardly keep anything down. Today I've had exactly 5 Ritz crackers and 4floz/120ml of extremely plain instant potatoes, 1/2 of a standard large power aid and 8floz/240ml of decaf black tea. That's it. And every bite/sip has been AGONIZING. I guess technically a couple sips of water too but that's the worst it gives me the most stomach pain, so I've been avoiding plain cold water.

I'm so afraid this is going to drastically fuck up how I heal, and all I want is to be healed already and have all of this done and over with.

My post op where I was meant to get to finally see my chest was supposed to be tomorrow. But obviously I don't want to get anyone else sick or shit myself in public so I have to cancel. I'm getting really sick and tired of this ABD pad because it is literally falling apart and threatening to spill cotton stuff everywhere, but I don't have any replacements, and I'm not supposed to even remove my binder at all until after my first post-op.

I wish I could take a hot shower. I ran a very shallow bath yesterday after vomiting up my entire dinner, sat in that until I felt ready to go back to sleep.

I hate that I fell asleep with vomit teeth right after losing my fucking dental coverage! Fuck the government btw. I put off my wisdom teeth extractions, including one impacted and one rotting, because of top surgery and now i can never get them out. Idk what the fuck to do about that. I'm infuriated. Everything is awful.

All of the euphoria I had experienced prior is completely evaporated and replaced with dread. I'm feeling like I'm going to die because I can't take care of myself the way I need to be post Op. Just being sick is bad enough. Just being post op is bad enough. This is hell.

Why did i have to be trans?