i made two impulsive purchases today and i think i have a genuine shopping addiction

so i have a huge problem with purchasing impulsively. i can’t lie, i only feel alive and happy when i have something new i just ordered. i’m not so concerned about the money because they weren’t expensive but i’m really not proud of myself right now. i’m 18 and don’t have a job, so even if smth is not expensive i should hold back on my purchases. i know what i need to do to stop— to delete my shopping apps but i can’t bring myself to. i know it’s childish, but the only thing that brings me happiness is dressing up and making myself look pretty.

it distracts me from my mental state and if i’m being honest, the fashion i’m into (egl) has seriously given me a will to live. i’m going to fashion school to design clothing because of egl fashion. but because it’s the only thing that brings me joy, i can’t stop purchasing and buying clothes. i’m so disappointed in myself. when i don’t purchase something new, i get depressed and i begin to feel empty like i’m missing something. how much more do i need to buy to fill the empty space in me ??? i don’t even know anymore. :((