Conflicted feelings and grief while an addict

So my mom overdosed and died from a fentanyl overdose in 2022 after a little stint of meth use, I didn't use at that point.. she was leaving shit all over my house and I couldn't let my child get ahold of it bro. It would have killed him. I kicked her out and wouldn't let her come back. She died while I had her muted on messenger so she couldn't beg me and get me to let my resolve down. So idk I guess what does any sane person do after their mom overdosed and died? They get hooked on meth too cause they wanted to understand... I had for over 6 months sat catatonic and a human shell of a person wallowing in grief/ guilt/ and immense agony. Now I can get up and be a human and shit. I function better. Am I bad person?? Why do I still hate myself? I didn't kill her... Did I?