Should I just run away?

i’m 17, gay n closeted obviously lol. from a typical indian fam so obv i can’t tell anyone. they’d lose their minds. it’s exhausting pretending 24/7 like bro i can’t even be myself in my own house.

i got into this okay-ish nursing college ig… it’s not horrible but like not what i really wanted either. i’m just doing what i can, not what i want, yk? i’m trying to act all fine but i’m literally not. haven’t been able to study properly in weeks, i’m either zoned out or crying lmfao.

some days i just feel like disappearing. not even tryna be dramatic it’s just like… what’s the point of all this?? no friends i can actually open up to, no therapist (can’t afford + can’t let my parents find out), and reddit is the only place i feel like i can even say this shit out loud.

idk man if anyone’s been thru this or even just wants to talk pls say smth. i feel so done n so alone.