Awakening While Parenting

To give some back story:

I began my awakening journey after having my second child. I became fearful of death and didn’t cope well. Around this time, I quit drinking alcohol, which uncovered many uncomfortable parts of myself I had been avoiding.

A few months later, I attended a mindfulness hike where the facilitator introduced the concepts of duality and non duality—terms I had never heard before. It blew my mind. That was the beginning of the unraveling.

Everything I thought I knew to be true no longer was. That disorientation led me into a depression and a deep sense of isolation. People I was close to didn’t understand what I was experiencing, which made me feel even more alone. I work in mental health, and while I was just beginning this spiritual opening, it felt nearly impossible to show up for others. At the time, none of it felt real. Everyone’s problems seemed like shadows.

Eventually, I made it through that initial rupture and into a more settled place. But there’s still pain. I’m slowly breaking down old versions of myself.

Friends of mine look familiar but feel unfamiliar now. I no longer know what we have in common or what to talk about. When I try to explain why I feel more distant, it often gets pathologized.

Reflection:

It’s complex to go through an awakening while parenting young children. We’re told to let go of attachments and embrace discomfort, but what does that actually look like for a parent?

I used to think awakening had to look a certain way. That I needed solitude, retreats, nature. But that version didn’t fit with the reality of being a mom. How can I let go while I’m needed every day? How can I unravel when there’s laundry to fold and lunches to pack?

The truth is, parenting is its own form of retreat. If awakening requires discomfort, then I have an abundance of practice. Holding space for high energy beings, while also holding space for clients, pulls on my nervous system in every direction. Each day is an invitation to slow down, to notice, to surrender.

This realization feels freeing. My awakening is slow because it needs to be. That pace allows me to stay connected to my family while integrating these changes into the fabric of my life.

My children led me to this path. And they are the reason I keep walking it.