Boundaries with BFF

F (45) have been dating M (35) for 2 and a half years. Over a year ago, because of harassment of me by my ex, my BF’s BFF (M, 35) and his wife told my BF that I am not welcome in their home. I can’t really say why because the friend never spoke directly to me or was willing to talk it through with me. My best understanding of the situation is they feel I am not trustworthy because I kept some info from my ex for safety because of his stalking and harassment years after we were not together.

From that point of that year if BFF sees friend and wife for events or to hang out I am excluded. This would be like the two friends hanging out, or the three of them, or friend group events.

I found out I was no longer welcome not because they openly told me. I was at their house with him and they were being very cold and rude, and rolled their eyes at a gift I brought them and tossed it aside. Then they were discussing their annual Christmas party (I was included the year before) and sent everyone there links to pick out their party shirt - except me, and when I mentioned it they still didn’t send it and then when he showed me the link and I told them what I liked they ignored me. They treated me really mean all night and then told him later on after we left that I was no longer welcome.

The BFF was not interested in having a conversation with me to discuss his worries or feelings.

This week I’m on a trip with my kids. While I was going to be out of town, BF planned a visit with his BFF who moved a few hours away. I thought it was a great idea for him to also get a vacation and some hang out time with his friend. He couldn’t come on the trip with us because it was something we had signed up for a year ago, before we were ready to take trips together with the kids, and you couldn’t add people later (group tour.)

We’ve been sharing messages on our adventures and today he told me they went to play laser tag - BF, his BF and their wife, and three single women she works with.

I got upset because he went somewhere I am not welcome and they took him out with a group of single women. Not friends of theirs that they all knew, not guys his buddy works with. A bunch of women he has never met before.

Am I wrong in being upset they want him to visit and meet new women, when I am not welcome to be there? He feels it’s fine because he didn’t think they have any bad intent. I think they are being disrespectful of our relationship. I wouldn’t travel somewhere and go play games with groups of new to me single men. I feel like his BFF is hoping he will meet a woman there, start dating her, and move near his BFF. I don’t think this friend shows any respect for our relationship. He doesn’t have to like me or hang out with me when they are having guy time, but the guy time should not be going out with other girls. Is this ok?

TL; DR My BF’s BFF is taking him out with single women