i think i grew up… but my insides stayed somewhere else.

i don’t really know how to explain it. like people talk to me, they even love me maybe. but i still feel like i’m not the one they’re really seeing. the version of me that needed help never learned how to scream, so it just learned how to clap for everyone else. i got good at being okay. too good. i walk into rooms and my body moves like it belongs. but inside, it still feels like it’s flinching. like even silence feels loud. kindness feels like a setup. love feels like a test i didn’t study for. i think i confused surviving with growing. ambition was just my ache dressed up nice. and now i don’t know if i actually healed or just evolved my mask.sometimes i sit in calm places and still feel like i’m bracing for impact. like the war’s over but my body didn’t get the memo. i don’t think i’m broken. i just think the part of me that lived wasn’t the part that was supposed to carry all this. but it did. and now that’s who i am.I'm just shared this that's all.