AITAH for telling my mom my suicide attempt was her fault?

I will very much overexplain and give every single detail I remember so this post most defenitely will be EXTREMELY wrong. Feel free to skip to the end for my kind of short TLDR.

For context, my family has been going through very tough times the past three years. My parents are in a very abusive(both emotionally and possibly physically) relationship because of cheatig allegations and financial problems via both sides. Though due to cultural beliefs they have not split up and have not gotten any professional help such as independent or couples/marriage therapy. Their fights have caused my father to be jailed on multiple occasions because of previous abuse and breaking mandatory restraining order(I’m not sure if it’s actually a restraining order, but whatever my father is under is very similar to one) cases against my mother and siblings. My father has become very strict and controlling of my mother which has led to both of them constantly losing jobs and leaving my entire family homeless or couch hopping at relatives’ houses for almost an entire year.

We finally have a roof over our heads though my father is still not legally able to be around my family so he stays with at his brother’s house across town. But because of whatever manipulative spell my parents are under, my mom leaves the house for months on end with my father and leaves me and my siblings alone in the house with a car and a food stamp card for whatever I as the oldest of the house deem we need. This started my genuine hatred for my mother.

Because of everything going on in my home life as well as pressuring and advancing myself in school(I am an incoming senior in highschool this next coming school year), I have become genuinely depressed and burnt out. I decided that I would commit during the last few months of school. The morning of my attempt I had skipped school. I had already skipped the past two days as I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. My mother knocked on my door and asked if I was going to school in which I had aggressively answered no. She had told me “fine, it would be your fault if you failed school anyways.” My mom is usually a soft spoken and understanding person but my laziness had changed her. That small but visible amount of aggression was my last straw. I had prepped a large, unsafe amount of tylenol the night before and consumed the entire amount. A few hours later I had gotten severely sick instead of dying. I forced my mother to come home as she was with my dad at the time as I began to vomit non-stop if I ever so slightly moved my head or eyes. My mom brought my to Urgent Care two hours after getting home and caring for me herself. The doctor had concluded that I had the “stomach flu” and I was sent home with my mom. That night was the first time in years I had felt so cared for by her. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her it was my own doing.

Fast forward two months later, my mother and father had gotten into a fight that ended up with my mom finally coming back home. My oldest sibling had come back from college which meant it was time for them to find a summer job which they have had success in finding. Unfortunately my mom had also found a job and I already have one as well. There is only one car shared among the three of us. Because of our different schedules I would be the one driving all three of us to our specified places. My mom had work early in the morning and made me drive her to her work. I was reluctant as I had to wake up around 5am and was very overstimulated on top of feeling frustrated and uncomfortable with my mother’s presence which resulted in a miniature breakdown on my part. My mom was kind and soft during that time which was expected as that is the type of person she is. But it was different in the afternoon. I had to pick my sibling up from their work place as well as my mom beforehand. I had picked my mom up and had asked her to determine the fastest route to get to my sibling. We had a small misunderstanding of the location of where my sibling works which had frustrated me and after a few minutes she determined for me to take the highway. I am still a relatively new driver so my mother was reasonably worried about me taking the highway and if I had done so before. I had answered aggressively that I had because three weeks prior I had driven on the highway with her consent and I assumed she rememebred. She snapped back at me saying “it was just a question” and “you shouldn’t be giving me attitude” which had made me lose it. I screamed at her saying that I didn’t want to be in the car with her, that I didn’t want to start a conversation with her. This started a big argument with a lot of passive-aggressiveness on her part and much just-agression on my own. Our argument ended up with me in tears behind the wheel as she began to ignore me. That was when I told her it wasn’t the stomach flu and instead I wanted to die the night I got “sick”. She stayed quiet as I ranted to her that I couldn’t take it anymore and that everything the past few years had crashed down on me that night. I could see her wipe her tears as I drove to pick up my siblikg. We stayed quiet for the rest of the drive.

I haven’t had contact with my mom since that day as she is still with my father. I really do love my mommy but she makes it hard to want to exist. I love her lots but it’s hard when she reminds me of the man who I had to protect not only her but my siblings from. I could see I hurt something in her and I keep remembering her silent reactions. I hate hurting my mom but I feel like yelling at her like my own father is the only way to get her to listen to me. I hate how I screamed at her and wish I did something more civil. AITAH?

TLDR; I’ve been having a rough life and my parents are partially to blame. I had attempted to commit suicide a few months back due to a small argument with my mom but it didn’t work. I had gotten severely sick from it so my mother brought me to Urgent Care and the doctors determined it as “stomach flu”and sent me home. My mom had made me drive her to work a few months after that incident which led to a bigger argument that ended up with me admitting that it wasn’t the stomach flu but instead it was a suicide attempt that was directly her fault. AITAH?