why can't I be held

I crave romantic relationship, I can't lie about it. it's been a few years since my 2-year irl relationship with my ex ended, it was basically the only relationship I was ever into. i'm a mess right now, i'm a very unfinished, unpolished, confused person with emotional and psychological problems, and I know that means I shoudn't seek romance. it won't end well. i'll end up hurting someone, being hurt, being traumatized, any kind of awful shit, people are horrifying, they're so so so so scary, people's insides are scarier than any monster. I shoudn't do it. but I just don't knowbif it really is fair

i'm not saying I deserve romance, and I know I should seek love from friends and family but im human and im not aromantic, I crave it. i just do

this was embarrassing