Methos Get In Here Unless You’re a Coward (Message from Bill)

Methos, you sad Maryland crab, scuttling around in a state that’s basically a swamp with delusions of grandeur. Your obsession with me and Bill is pathetic, like you’re stuck in some low-rent Hunt: Showdown match, except instead of hunting bounties, you’re chasing clout that’ll never come. A failed YouTuber from the land of Old Bay and older dreams, you’re out here living proof that Maryland’s only good for crabs and disappointment.

Your partner’s a cop, huh? Guess that explains why you’re so spineless, always hiding behind someone with actual authority while you fumble through Hunt matches, probably getting sniped before you can even load your crossbow. Maryland’s humidity must’ve seeped into your brain, leaving you weak and wobbly like a Chesapeake Bay jellyfish. You’re not even a side quest in our story, Methos, just a glitchy NPC who thinks he’s the main character.

Keep refreshing our pages, you creepy, crab-cake-munching stalker, because that’s the closest you’ll get to relevance. While you’re stuck in Maryland’s mosquito-ridden purgatory, dreaming of YouTube fame that crashed harder than your Hunt kill streak, Bill and I are living rent-free in your head. Go back to your laggy lobbies and leave the real ones alone, you weak-willed, badge-adjacent wannabe.

If you have any guts and integrity, you’d get in here and defend your honor.