Personifications of depression

I can't stop the pain inside my head, and it's getting harder to sleep at night. I close my eyes and feel nothing but the pain from my past. No matter how much I drink, my buzz never seems to last. Lately, it feels like I can't escape the shadows that my peers seem to cast.

Perhaps it's my own fault; I fear that I'll never have anything like what my friends have achieved. The things I've seen seem impossible to forget. No matter how much beer I drink or how far I drive, I see them thrive, and I work just as hard, but somehow, I barely survive.

Am I struggling because I'm all alone, or have I committed sins so deep that I can't atone? I keep asking God, but it seems like all He does is sit on His throne and watch me fail. The devil is running close behind me, and he's getting closer than God ever has. I'm starting to think that I might as well give in. I've been living in His light, but lately I feel like the pearly gates are too far out of sight. I say a prayer to help me sleep at night, but ghosts never go away until I drink so much my vision starts to sway.