NoaG: Aftermath [15]

Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for this universe. May you always feel the passion of creation!

And thank you, u/TheManwithaNoPlan for all your work! This story is just as much yours as it is mine, and I cannot express just how honored I am for you to be my friend 

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Memory Transcript: Sol-Vah, Lost... Date: [Standardized human time] November 2nd, 2136.

…

…mmh.

…Nnnh… muh…

…whuh…whah…?

What’s… going on? Everything feels… floaty. Weird…floaty. It feels… cold.

What… happened? My head… hurts? I don’t know, that’s not right… I think. It’s dark and there’s a weird noise somewhere close, when did the sun set?

…Wait, the sun doesn’t set here. I… forgot for a moment. But that means that something else is making noises and dark. I think my eyes are closed.

I tried to open my eyes, but I shut them after a sickening, spinning feeling washed over me. I fell back onto something soft, unaware that I’d even been trying to sit up in the first place. I still heard the noise, it sounded like gravel falling. My chest felt as floaty as the rest of me, I knew that wasn’t normal. I wasn’t used to feeling floaty. Maybe Dad would know something abou—

{-ERR: Data Transcription Failure 151-}

{-CAU: Mental Stimulation Frequency Overload - Unable To Transcribe-}

{-Isolating Next Stable Playback Savepoint… Found: 2.122s Forward-}

{-Resuming From Stable Savepoint…-}

DAD!!!!

I shot straight up, regardless of the spinning of the world around me. I needed to know he was alright! I remembered him being tackled off the ledge, and then I was with him, and– and then it all just went black! Where was he?? Where was I?! I needed to find him! I needed to—

Oh I’m falling down now.

I flopped onto something hard and gray that smelled of disinfectant, a searing pain across the right side of my face cutting through the floatiness. I whimpered softly in discomfort as I noticed a small trickle of blue coming out of my arm, feeling vaguely as though something had been there and was improperly removed. I tried to get a better look, but my vision was still spinning too much to make anything out. The fact that I could only see out of one eye wasn’t helping things ei–

 WHY CAN I ONLY SEE OUT OF ONE EYE?! 

I tried repeatedly to push myself to a standing position, but my paws kept slipping on the floor below me, unable to position themselves properly beneath me. They felt numb, but I could still feel them. What was happening?? I noticed that I was breathing really hard, and when I concentrated on it, I felt as though my heart were beating a million times per [second]. I could hear that same gravel noise a little ways away, complete with what sounded like everchanging chords from some weird song. Eventually, my muscles failed entirely, and I was only left to lay wherever I was, looking around as I struggled to remember what I was doing. 

There’s a metal wheel, another one, some walls… oh, that’s a weird boot. Did an Exterminator come to see me? That feels wrong to say, why does… wait, that’s not… That’s–!

PREDATOR!!

My mouth opened on its own and a horribly loud sound came out. I watched as the forward-eyed thing shot to attention, spasming briefly in its nearby seat as it tried to determine where the sound had come from. To my horror, its eyes instantly locked onto me, and I tried to scamper away to safety. However, all I managed to do was flail uselessly around on the floor as I felt as though my heart were bouncing all around my body.

What’s going on?? Was I captured?! That’s probably what this weird feeling is, why my head is still so foggy! What are they going to do with me?? Protector, please let Dad have escaped safely!!

“Jaysus, what are ya doin’ on the ground?!” It barked at me, and it rose to approach. I tried to curl myself up, but everything still felt floaty and wrong. My spines flexed unevenly as I tried desperately to curb the flood of terror washing me away in my own mind, but it was no use. Despite how much I wanted to close my eyes—eye?? Had it eaten my other eye??—I couldn’t look away, every shallow exhale coming out a pleading whimper. It stopped just short of me, the fur above its eyes creasing together. “Ah hell, they probably got yer drug dosage wrong. Alright, lemme jus–”

It began to lean down towards me, and in a panic, I swiped at it, hoping to at least dissuade it from trying to take anything more of me. “Nnno! Nonnnnooonono, don’t you… you stay away! You…” My head began spinning again, and my strength completely left me. I fell to the ground on the side missing my eye, the same searing pain causing me to mewl weakly. I was helpless to watch as it approached me, my heart feeling as though it were about to burst out of my body and shoot across the room as it… as it…!

…As it gently picked me up?

My good eye was put directly in front of the predator, its piercing gaze almost obscuring the fact that the lower half of its face was concealed in a blonde layer of curly fur. It felt… familiar, had I… had I seen it before? Trying to remember only made my head hurt, and with me in its grasp, there was truly nothing I could do, so I went limp and waited for the killing blow. But it never came, as I was laid back onto the soft thing I’d fallen off of. It huffed once I was free of its grasp, wiping a furless paw on the bare space right above its eyes. “Phew, yer heavier than ya look.”

“PPppth…” I tried to speak, but my tongue felt as though it were completely useless, so all I ended up doing was sputtering at the familiar predator. When it bared its teeth, I thought I was going to die anew, but it just shook its head. What was going on? Why… what was this place??

“Oh, yer loopy loopy, huh? Well, I’ll jus’… ah, well I guess it’ll sort out on its own, huh?” He—he? It—it said, holding up what looked like a blue-stained IV needle, its tube filled with a clear liquid. I tried to say something again, but only an improper mumble bubbled up from my throat. It seemed to realize I was trying to speak as it set the needle aside. “Don’t try’n talk, ya obviously ain’t in no state to do that yet. Wait ‘till ya come down a little, then we can talk.”

I didn’t want to submit to his demands, but I had no other choice. I could barely move, my tongue felt as though it were filling my entire mouth, and the right side of my face still hurt like the Protector’s Abandon, so I just… waited. He waited where I could see him—him?? IT!!—it, so I didn’t take my eye off of it, only blinking once my vision started going blue. The only time it moved was to reposition the seat it had been in when I woke up, sitting down as it presumably waited for me to regain the ability to speak.

This makes no sense, why is a predator in the room with me but not attacking? Only humans do that kind of thing. Wait, it's missing fur and has a flat face. I think… I think I remember humans looking like that. But what’s a human doing here… and why do I know its face??

As time progressed, the rate as to which I wasn’t privy to, the floaty feeling gradually began to lessen, although in its absence, pain abounded, particularly on the side of my face with the missing eye. Wait… no, it wasn’t missing, I could feel it and move it, but it was dark… and there’s something else on the right side of my face. My arm still felt as though I were pulling it on strings, but I tried to move my right paw to the corresponding side of my face to see what was going on. However, on the other side of my body, I saw the human move again. “Hey, don’t mess with that. Ya don’t wanna agitate the graft any more than ya gotta right now.”

Graft? What would I need a graft for? It didn't do a lot of good, it still hurts. It feels almost like someone had… had… shot me… with a flamer.

Something surfaced in my mind, a fragment followed piecemeal by yet others in kind like wreckage from a downed starfreighter washing up on a desolate shore. Anxious, movement, pain, a feeling of pushing something, a sight of reflective silver, a searing pain on the right side of my face, anger, so much anger… and… a-and…

Blood.

“Whhh…” I muttered as I tried to understand the fractured picture I was piecing together. The predator’s eyes widened at me, but I needed to know. “Whuh… happnn?”

“Hey, c’mon now. Ya clearly ain’t all there yet,” the human… soothed? His was voice was still deep and raspy, but his—its. His? Its? …His—his voice had reduced in volume, a fact which my ears were somewhat thankful for. “Jus’ rest, ahlraght? Don’ stress yerself even more.”

More pieces were washing up, each uglier than the last. A feeling of sadness, then severe offense… then sorrow. Flames, flames where flames should never be, burning things they should never burn. A face, a face I longed for, turning away.

Tears. Hatred, but… not for them? For… Me?

…I need to know if Dad is okay.

“Dd… Dad…” I weakly managed, maining my visual lock on the human seated beside me. My tongue felt as though it were shrinking, but it was still a struggle to articulate. “Hhe… hurted. Wherr… iss he?”

“Don’t’cha worry, the birdy’s safe n’ sound,” the human responded, and a wave of relief flooded my mind, washing away a portion of the stress and doubt that had begun to pool. But it didn’t stay that way, why did he know that? Had he seen Dad, or…?

…No, wait, his face. I remember… his face. When Dad had been pushed from the ledge, I remember his face. Is he the one that pushed him? That… saved him?

“Did you… push him?” I asked, my voice finally getting to a point where I felt as though I could actually speak again. “I… remember you did something. I… I remember…”

Jacob.

The name flashed in my mind, as if a large chunk of the hull had finally washed ashore. I remembered Jacob, he’d helped me save people in burning buildings, he saved my dad from falling with broken wings. I remembered pushing him aside to save him from… an Exterminator. I saved… a predator… from an exterminator…

“Well, yer soundin’ a little better at least. They were actin’ real dodgy puttin’ yer bag up… damnit, I shoulda guessed…” Jacob muttered to himself before looking away, mumbling to himself quietly enough that I couldn’t understand him. He looked… mad, maybe, but he quickly sighed and returned his vision to me, even if that act bristled my spines. “Whatever, at least yer off the stuff now. I’ll see if I can’t get a more dilute painkiller for ya if ya need it.”

Painkillers, that’s what that strange, floaty feeling was. That made sense, but… “Why… was I on painkillers?” I asked. I felt as though I knew the answer, but when I tried to picture it, I still felt as though some pieces were missing. Was the dosage strong enough to mess with my mind?

“Ya don’t remember?” Jacob asked, leaning forward in his chair and clasping his spindly-looking hands together. “Same reason yer wearin’ them bandages on yer head. I was nearly kindling when ya pushed me outta the way, but you got a strip of yer face burned. I… didn’t realize how bad it was ‘till ya passed out, so I gotcha to the hospital as quickly as possible. ‘Course, I didn’t… realize how they’d treat ya…”

*‘*How they’d treat me?’ What did he mean by that? I felt something at the back of my mind tugging at my consciousness, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. More pieces were washing ashore, but the last one was still bubbling up from the depths. “I… don’t understand. Why would they… treat me wrong?”

“Well, ‘cause they see ya the same as me now. As a predator.”

…A predator. Same as him. Me. Treated poorly. Predator. Him. Me. Predator. Me. Predator. Me Predator. Me Predator Me Predator MePredatorMePredatorMEPREDATORMEPREDATORME. ME. PREDATOR.

…

It clicked.

“...Uh, are ya…?” I vaguely heard Jacob’s voice, but my heartbeat roared louder than anything I’d even heard before. Harder than an out of control flame. Harder than an Arxur’s battle call. Just as hard as I had when I had tried to cave in the skull of a prey, because they’d… they’d been about to hurt Jacob. Another predator. Like… I was.

Like I am.

My vision began to blur, but I wasn’t spinning anymore. My throat constricted as I struggled to get any air into my lungs. My lips tightened as my mind began to slip once more, though this time it wasn’t to any drugs; it was to an unstoppable, absolute despair that threatened to drown me altogether. My left cheek began to feel wet as a small stream of liquid began to leak from my eye, and then, in a horrible instant…

The dam broke.

I wailed in hopelessness, clinging onto myself as if it would do anything to provide salvation from the tsunami of sorrow I was swept away in. I was a predator, a hopeless, violent being designed specifically for suffering and death. My memory, finally returned to me, proved tainted with countless examples of my true nature shining through. Every time I took something, whether I noticed or not, every time I’d done it on purpose. When I hit my biological father, when I beat the Exterminator, when I… when I defended myself when I was wrong, to hurt someone because… because…

Protector, why?? WHY WAS I BORN LIKE THIS???

The world was crumbling in on itself. I was in so much pain, and I deserved it, didn’t I? Mute was right, I was a monster all along, and after everything I’d done, I deserved it didn’t I?! I deserved to hurt! I deserved to just– just fucking d—!!

There’s something else here.

I didn’t know what it was, but some primal instinct drove me to cling onto the only thing I could, desperate to quell the maelstrom of desolation that was swallowing me whole. I reached out, clinging onto it as if my life depended on it. I felt my claws pierce a flimsy outer layer, bunching it up in my paws to hold onto as I sobbed into something warm and solid, my eyes hurting from how hard I was shutting them. Despite it all, I was still trying to block it all out, pretending like it wasn’t there… just like I’d done my whole life…

…What… what was I holding onto?

I sniffled staggeredly as I fought to wrench my eyes open, only to be met with a startling sight: I’d somehow managed to wrap myself around an obviously uncomfortable Jacob. “OH!” I yelped as I released my grip, pushing him away as if he were a bomb about to explode. He didn’t say anything, just looking at me in stunned silence. I couldn’t find the words to describe what I did, apologize, anything… so I stared in suit.

And then… he began to laugh. “Heh… Heheheheh, t-theee, that was unexpected*-heehee*-ected!” I recognized that laugh, it was the same laugh he had when he was looking at me with wild eyes. He wasn’t amused, he was… stressed.

No, no no NO! I’ve made others hurt enough! 

“I-I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to– a-are you–?” I stuttered, retracting my arm as close to myself as I could. My paws were clenched shut, so as to not harm him—or anyone else—with my claws. I once believed they were mere tools for digging, but I knew better now: they were weapons, designed to slice open prey for whatever sickening things my ancestors might’ve done. Even thinking about the possibilities made me sick to my stomach.

“Nheee—huuuuuh—No, I’m fine, I’m fine,” Jacob assured me, taking a deep breath to curb his sign of distress. However, I noticed his hands move to behind himself, and his face contorted in a strange manner. “Hey, uh… did something happen to my shirt? I can’t… what…”

JAcob began to rotate in place, and when his back turned to face me, I could see small tears where my claws had sliced through the thin, colorful fabric that covered the entirety of his torso. A pang of guilt struck me like a blow to the head, a whimper eeking from my throat. “I-I think I tore your coverings. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t– I c-could see if I could… if I…”

I couldn’t muster the strength to finish my thought, covering my face with my paws in shame. Of course I would be so destructive, I was a predator, after all. Everything that happened before, the feeling of purpose… it was gone, leaving nothing to hold me back should my instincts take over. I was a danger, I shouldn’t be around anyone else, I… I…

…Wait, Jacob’s a predator, too. Maybe that’s why he’s here, to fight me off if my bloodlust begins to overtake me. That’s probably why they put me on so many drugs, to make me forget everything so that they could all be safe just a little bit longer. I don’t blame them, I’d probably do the same thing too if I… if I were…

“Hey, hey yer okay, it’s okay,” I heard Jacob’s voice again, and I felt a smooth palm on my shoulder. My spines flared at the contact, but Jacob didn’t flinch; he only lightened his grasp so as not to get poked. “Yer safe here, ain’t nothin’ gonna happen now. Yer okay.”

I slowly retracted my paws from my face, and I was greeted with Jacob’s visage in close proximity to me. At first, a jolt of apprehension shot through me, but it didn’t last. His voice wasn’t aggressive, predator or not, and even though his eyes were boring down on me… I didn’t feel the same anxiety as I had before. There was still a pressure, but it wasn’t like before, when it felt as if he were looking a hole straight through my head. This was…

—VRRrrrm—

My ears perked at the sudden noise in my blind spot, prompting me to turn my head in an attempt to look at whatever made that noise with the eye that wasn’t covered by bandages. Jacob’s attention snapped in that direction as well, and he soon retreated from my bedside to pick up a small device from a nearby counter. He read something on it, and the corners of his mouth immediately tightened into the unnerving display that was a human smile. “Hah, Tarlim’s finally awake! ‘No predators allowed’ or not, I ain’t gonna miss out on this!”

…Oh. Tarlim.

I didn’t respond—there was nothing I could really say—as I watched Jacob make to leave the room. Perhaps it was the fear of being left alone with my own thoughts, but a part of me didn’t want him to leave, regardless of his predatory status. I began to reach out towards him, but when he turned his limited line of sight toward me once again, I forced my paw down to my side. “Ah’ll be back, gotta make sure my buddy’s doin’ good s’well!”

With that, he exited the room with a quick slide of the door. The gashes on the back of his torso covering were thankfully small enough to not be easily noticed, but as soon as he left, the room felt… eerily quiet. The chords I’d mistakenly attributed to music before soon made themselves known as a pulse monitor embedded into the wall by my bedside, and although most of the stronger drugs had been processed by my system, I still didn’t feel well enough to sit up, let alone stand. With nothing else to do, I solemnly stared down at my claws, a mixture of disgust and regret welling up inside me. I was a predator, it was who I was, it was who I am.

It was who I am, no matter what I ever do.

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