[640] Blood Moon Valley — Chapter 1 (Looking for feedback on engagement)

Hi! I'm working on a novel and I’d love some honest feedback. It’s a horror/suspense teen story focused on dialogue, tone, and realism between characters. If you have any other title ideas or thoughts on pacing, character voice, or engagement, that’d be super helpful!

CHAPTER 1 || DRAFT June 20th, 2025 || 5:00 P.M

Gosh, this is perfect, just perfect! This is exactly how every horror movie starts, Vivian thought as she and her friends hiked down the Blood Moon Trail. It was yet another Friday in the middle of summer, and somehow, she was doing yet another dangerous activity.

Vivian had never been the adventurous type — nor cautious. She just found herself saying yes to everything: parties, rock climbing, now walking through the woods. (Plus, there was a horrible stench, like a giant rat had died somewhere nearby.)

But how was this dangerous? Hiking was normal, right? Yes. That’s what everyone thought — until she saw the name of the trail, and the sign at the front looked old and worn, paint peeling off. It read:

DANGER AHEAD Watch for bears, deep valleys, and poisonous snakes.

And especially when the visitor center makes you sign a waiver.

A safety waiver. Basically a giant “DON’T HIKE HERE” sign in disguise.

Why had she even—

“Viv, move it!” Reina called, tugging her sleeve.

“Coming!” Vivian said, shaking off her thoughts and trying to keep up.

Why had she agreed to come? Even after hearing the rumors — disappearing hikers, creepy YouTube videos, news stories, posters everywhere…

Her fear crept up on her. The whole place felt like a horror movie set.

She loved horror movies — the thrill, the scares, and how dumb the characters usually were. But now? She felt like the stupid one. Her mid-length black hair felt heavy on her shoulders as she walked, her nerves making every shadow seem alive.

Her fear was speeding ahead like a car she couldn’t catch.

Unlike her best friend Reina, who was fearless. She was pumped to be here, steady as a rock. Once, she even stayed the night on THE Queen Mary ship — in the infamous B340. (She couldn’t even remember the rest of the haunted rooms!)

Reina came prepared too — ghost equipment and subscribed to all the spooky YouTube channels. Sam and Col, for example —

“VIVIANNN!” Elias shouted.

“YEAH, COMING!” Vivian yelled back.

“My bad, geez…” she muttered, realizing she hadn’t moved since catching up to Reina.

Elias — the loud one — wasn’t adventurous either, but he was smart. Like, he had abilities, could adapt to anything. If ghosts attacked? He’d probably survive. (Along with Reina, of course.)

“Viv, you good?” Ace asked.

Viv — that’s what he called her.

Ace was… different. One of the only ones in the group with actual brain cells. Not academic — but common sense. Logical and practical.

“Oh, yeah. Why?” she replied, starting to walk again.

“You just… looked kinda zoned out,” he said.

They walked in silence for a moment, locking eyes. His gray eyes were gentle, worried. Hers looked more paranoid than curious — but both were there.

“I — I was just thinking.”

How did I even get myself into this?