i'm only getting more sick and idk what to do

tw numbers and.. disordered stuff:p>! like a week and a half ago I didn't eat for 4 days and ended up fainting due to electrolyte imbalance, and since then I've been binging (like 2-3k a day... idk it felt like binging to me:( every day and i feel so. so gross. i gained like 4kg n m back at my sw and idek what to do. today i had a ton of laxatives and im planning on fasting again but with electrolytes this time... but i have exams and i really care about my grades and i wish i didn't have this stupid ed. i can only either not eat at all or eat everything in sight. im so disgusting. !<

!but the feeling of starving... the feeling of being dizzy and faint... i like it so much. i like the feeling of my stomach hurting like a bitch after i take laxatives without eating. i like feeling like im going to faint... will i ever get better? i cant comprehend how people actually have normal relationships with food. it has never been that way for me.!<