I gave everything to her but it feels like she never really loved me back

I’m [M/18] and I’ve been talking to this girl [F/18] for several months. We’ve been officially together for almost half a year. At first it was all love and connection. We’d have little arguments but they were harmless and easily resolved. She was hesitant at first about dating because she didn’t want me to distract her from school but I promised I wouldn’t and I meant it. I wanted her to succeed and I wanted us to grow together.

We hung out a few times. The very first time we met she had just removed a guy she used to talk to, someone she had saved snaps of including some revealing pictures. That felt weird but I let it go because she said she hadn’t talked to anyone else during that period. I trusted her. I loved her.

Then things shifted fast when her final school exams were approaching. One day I called her and she suddenly stopped answering. Then she blocked me. I panicked. I found out later her mom saw the call, took her phone, and made her block me. Her parents are very strict and don’t allow dating at all so she told her mom we were “just friends.” That stung. But I understood her situation and tried to be patient.

From then on she got distant. Cold. She started taking her stress out on me blaming me for being a distraction saying things like “If I do badly I’ll regret this relationship. It’ll be your fault.” That broke me. I struggle with depression anxiety and ADHD and I already overthink everything but I tried my best to manage it for her.

Then a mutual friend told me that she had been talking to another guy just weeks before we started dating, a guy from her school who was also her first kiss. She had told me over and over that she hadn’t talked to anyone after her ex and she even swore to God that she never saw this guy in person. Finding out that wasn’t true especially through someone else messed me up.

When I confronted her she denied it at first then admitted it then blamed that mutual friend for always trying to ruin things for her. Later I also found out from her that she had been intimate with her ex even though she once promised me she hadn’t. She said they never actually saw each other during that period and only exchanged pictures but that he used to send her explicit photos and she sent him revealing ones, not full nudes she claimed. Still it crushed me. This was my first real experience with love with trust with anything intimate and I felt like I had built it all on a lie.

The relationship got more toxic. We broke up and got back together constantly. Every time we fought she would unadd me disappear and ask for space never staying to fix anything just escaping. I felt abandoned every time.

We broke up again because she said she couldn’t handle both the relationship and her studies. She told me “If we’re meant to be we’ll find our way back.” I begged her to stay. I was losing my mind. My chest physically ached from the stress the sadness the confusion. I thought she was my forever.

We got back together shortly after. She promised things would be different. But then she treated me horribly again said things that felt like she didn’t care about me at all broke up with me again. I spent those days crying and empty.

Then I visited a friend, one who had also talked to her before, and I saw their old chats. Flirting. She had told me she was with her ex for a few months but during that time she hung out with my friend, the same friend whose chats I saw, and that felt like cheating to me. When I brought it up she said I was judging her past and that if I’d leave her over that then maybe I never really loved her. But it wasn’t just about her past. It was about the lies the manipulation and the way she constantly shifted blame instead of being honest.

She begged me to stay said she wasn’t that kind of person. So we got back together again but the pattern hasn’t changed. We keep arguing. She still unadds me and disappears when things get tough. She says she wants space but never takes responsibility. She shuts down when I talk about my feelings. And now I don’t even know who I’ve been in love with, the version I created in my head or the one who’s been hurting me this whole time.

I don’t know if I should wait until her exams finish in about a week to finally say what I need to say or just end it now. All I know is I gave everything and it never felt like she truly fought for me the way I fought for