My grandad is gone and I don't know what to do

Hello everyone, your community helped me to feel validated when I thought I was going insane. Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language. I'm 19 y.o. and my grandad had a stroke almost 9 years ago. All 8 years we were caretaking with my mom (she is a main caretaker for her dad and my grandad), but it was hard for me too. My grandad died a few hours ago and honestly while everyone's crying I can't cry a lot right now. I don't feel anything at most. What can I do now? I'm afraid that all these emotions will crash me one day (I have apathy because only with that I can be functioning person and help my grandad and mom and study at university). Sometimes I think I'm "too sensitive for this world" (sorry if it sounds corny) because I can't imagine to see the death before my eyes ever again. I don't wanna think about that it's just a beginning of losses and tragedies. Existence sucks a lot in many situations and sircumstances

P.S. I thank everyone in this community. You made me feel like I'm not alone and I can be strong. Sending love to everyone