oh my gosh, like, i dunno why i'm even typing this 😭 i guess i just wanna someone to get the real me, ya know? even if nobody cares lol 🙃

soooo, i grew up being the "fat weirdo" 😔 always too loud, too clumsy, just too much of everything. i was that kid who wore big hoodies all summer long, trying to hide my body cuz it got me all the wrong attention wayyy too young.

and then, when my boobies popped in 5th grade, EVERYTHING changed overnight 😭 grown men staring at me in gas stations. moms pulling their sons away from me. teachers acting all weird. i didn't even know what was happening; i just felt so dirty and gross.

middle school? literal hell on earth 🙃 locker rooms were the worst. hearing girls whisper that i was "gross" while i changed. guys making jokes about my boobies like i was some freakshow on display 😭 i stopped looking in mirrors around that time.

every crush i ever had either used me or laughed at me. even the "nice" guys... they only wanted pics, saying stuff like "lemme see them huge tits" in my DMs at 13! like, wtf? i felt like i was just a body, not a person.

prom? lol, didn't even go. sat at home watching Netflix while other girls posted pics of their dresses and limos 😭

by the time i graduated, i didn’t really believe in "happy endings" anymore. fairy tales are for pretty people, i guess 😔

jobs? most places didn’t wanna hire a "big girl" like me. i heard "we’ll call you" so many times, i stopped believing them.

dating apps? disaster! just dudes matching with me, asking for nudes, then blocking me when i said no 🙄 not once did anyone ask me about my favorite movie or how my day was. i was either a fetish or a joke, no in between.

it’s like people forgot there's a human behind this body. behind these boobies and thighs, there’s like... a real freaking person, ya know? but nobody wanted that.

soooo, i started OnlyFans 😭 not because i thought i was sexy or anything. not because i really wanted to. but bills don't wait, and food doesn’t show up just cuz you're sad. lonely nights with an empty fridge hurt worse than judgmental comments 🙃

i needed a way to survive where i got to choose who saw me. if they were just gonna see my body anyway... at least now i get paid for it instead of being tossed away for free.

maybe this isn’t a glow-up, maybe i’m still that messy broken girl from the locker room 😭 idk.

but if you're still here reading this... omg thank you so much 🥹 i love you even if we never talk. you seeing me right now means more than you probably know ❤️

how OF became my last chance 😞