A lot of the stuff I’m referring to has been in person, so I don’t have a lot of text screenshots to post here. 

I (27F) have a 3yo daughter with my ex (we’ll call him F, 27M) and he has a gf (we’ll call her A, 23F). F works construction nowadays and travels for work, and he met A in New Mexico, and last summer they came back to my state so F could spend more time with my daughter. I befriended A because I know F is toxic and abusive, and I didn’t want her to be alone since she left her home state basically alone with no one but F. We became friends, and since I made a “custody” arrangement with F, my daughter has spent a lot of time with A. 

I want to preface by saying my daughter absolutely adores A, so there’s no issue there. I became pretty close to A, and we ended up talking a lot. Earlier this spring, A was in need of a new job and she has experience in child care, so I recommended she get a job at my daughters daycare and she ended up getting hired, and is now my daughter’s teacher. This arrangement worked out really great at first, because F&A lived down the street from me, and A would pick my daughter up from my house instead of me having to drive her 20 minutes to daycare before work, so everything was working out well. 

Then I started noticing some things that were making me a little uncomfortable. I would talk to A about my daughter’s days in daycare, and I noticed every once in a while she’d refer to her as “my child”. I tried to ignore it, because, I mean kids have stepparents and it’s usually a good thing for the parents and/or kid to see them as family, so I just figured it was kind of a good thing. I know they’re not married or anything, but I just saw it as A really cares about my daughter as her own. 

Then my daughter started calling A her “real mom” or her “second mom”. I corrected her and told her that I’m her real mom, and that it’s okay to love A and be close but I’m her mother. Then she started arguing whenever I told her do things or disciplined her, saying “well A doesn’t make me do that”, or “A lets me do this”. I figured, okay, she’s a kid, she’s probably going to be more preferential to whoever lets her get away with more. 

Next, A picks my daughter up for school, and my daughter runs out the door and jumps into her arms and calls her MAMA. I had to try really hard to keep my composure, because to be honest, that really upset me. My daughter quickly corrected herself, but still, it just made me wonder. 

Here’s the final straw, I see A posts a new cover photo with pictures of her and F, her and my daughter, and the three of them with the caption “mi familia”. That made me feel really upset, and honestly a little uncomfortable because she’s not her daughter, and that’s not her family. I feel like it would be different if A&G were married and she were her stepmom, but they have an extremely toxic and very unstable relationship. They break up every other week, they fight constantly, so I really don’t see her being in the picture long term and it just makes me uneasy that she’s referring to her as her child, saying the three of them are family, and that my daughter is more respectful of her authority over mine. 

I’m really not trying to be a bitter baby mama or anything, I really couldn’t care less about F or his relationships. It’s more-so how this might potentially affect my daughter, and how it affects her respect to me as her mother. So, am I overreacting?

AIO to my BD gf being too involved?