Bridesmaid livid that I might get married before her

Long story- sorry! M and I have been best friends since we were 5 and are very close in a group of 4 girls who have been best friends for 20+ years and it’s a given we are each others bridesmaids (M has asked me, I plan on doing so once wedding date is set).

M got engaged whilst pregnant in May 2024 to her partner of 4 years and whilst on maternity leave has booked her wedding date for October 2026. I got engaged to my partner of 13 years in April 2025.

I wanted a Christmas 2025 wedding but with not much time to plan if we went ahead, we have generally decided on spring 2026 (no date set- currently viewing venues/deciding). I found out today from other friends I am expected to ask M’s permission to marry first and irrespective of asking, she is incredibly angry that I’ll be getting married (or plan to) in 2026 as it’s “her wedding year”.

I am planning her hen-do for June 2026 and she’s also livid at the suggestion my wedding might be a few weeks before her hen. M has outright expressed she doesn’t care about how selfish she is being, as she was single for a long time and it’s her wedding, finally her time, about her, and that she will not speak to me about it because I should have the good grace to speak to her privately before making any plans or booking my wedding.

I dont have any family support financially, no mother to come wedding dress shopping with me and none of my close 3 friends are all that fussed or bothered by my engagement where everyone is moving on and having babies. It’s ok with me- I’m just excited to marry my partner and start our family. I did feel hurt about the lack of energy/interest or enthusiasm from my best friends but I chalk it up to everyone being busy (M has a nearly 1 year old, other friend is 7 months pregnant and the other lives abroad now). We all have busy lives and I don’t expect me or my wedding to be at the forefront of anyone’s minds- I would just have liked for some interest to be shown, particularly where I have very little family and they are kind of it. I also told them I was finding wedding planning very hard as I feel so sad about my family situation and it wasn’t really responded to or acknowledged. I cracked a few jokes to ease the sting of it not being replied to in the group chat and moved on.

But now I feel so so sad that I’m in this situation. I’ve been called coy and cagey and I think the impression is I’m being sneaky or secretive. That was never my intention- I just don’t have anything to confirm yet and I also feel shy and awkward about being “me me me” when everyone has very important things in their life. Yes, I have days where I feel sad about it, but I also accept reality and know my wedding is for me and my fiancé and although I would love my closest girlfriends to be excited and fawn over me like I feel I have them, I understand why they haven’t.

There has also been comments made that M thinks I am going to copy her wedding dress (we undoubtedly have similar tastes but having gone wedding dress shopping with M and was there was she found the one- I would never in a million years do this. I’m heartbroken at the suggestion M thinks this is something I would do.) I also found a venue I loved but found out it was part of the same group/chain as M’s venue so didn’t view the venue or consider it an option the moment I realised (5 minutes into my research). I made the mistake of telling M I loved this venue but would never consider it for obvious reasons (i.e for her as it’s a similar vibe and decor to her chosen venue) and she told me she would have been angry if I had as it was her dream but she cannot afford it so picked another venue within the group that has a similar style. I apologised profusely and felt slighted, but moved on.

I don’t know what to do- I don’t want to compete with someone I love over a wedding day. I never thought I’d be in this situation and truly thought I was doing the right thing. I am excited and involved in all aspects of her day (insofar as she has told me or wants to discuss). I’m less forthcoming about my own wedding because nothing is booked yet and so little progress has been made aside from a general idea of when we want to marry, which is important to us in terms of also starting a family. I also find wedding planning tough because it highlights the severity of my dysfunctional family on a day that does centre around the role your mum and dad have had in your life, as you move on to start your own family.

Am I in the wrong here for not being more upfront and forthcoming about the possibility of being married first? I want to wait and see if she approaches me to discuss this issue but my fiancé thinks I need to nip it in the bud and clear the air as he knows how deeply this is weighing on me, especially as M expects I go to her first. It feels like a test I will fail if I don’t, but it feels unfair and I don’t think I should have to, particularly when I’m not the one with the issue. Please help 😞