I can’t even cry anymore…

hey, I know this will be the same post venting (TW: Ed’s, SH, talking about sexual things) about dysphoria and everything… but I really need to get things out of my system.

The title should really explain how I (17 MTF) feel rn. I can’t even cry anymore. I hate EVERYTHING ABOUT MY BODY. My face, my shoulders, my rib cage, my waist, my hips… everything is wrong. I see cis and trans women with a beautiful body… and I just know I’ll never be like them.

I’m so tired that I can’t even cry. Whenever I get reminded of the existence of my body I feel trapped, anxious, I’d want to rip my soul out of this prison but I can’t… and my useless body can’t even throw these emotions out with crying.

The only thing that helps me manage my emotions is starving. The only way to keep me from spiraling and feeling even worse is to not touch food and to throw up everything I ate. I also used to cut myself, and even though I stoped, every day I just want to go back to doing it.

I also want to go back to sharing nudes of me… I did it in one of the worst periods of my life, but it’s the only thing that makes me feel better about my body. I feel so wrong after, it makes me feel even worse… but god, those few seconds after I send my pics I feel like a goddess…

Idk what to do… I just want to be me…