Am I Autistic? Would love your thoughts.

Hi, I’m trying to figure out if I might be autistic. I’ve felt different my whole life, and recently a lot of things are clicking. I’d really appreciate thoughts from people who’ve been through this or relate.

Childhood & Early Traits:

• I barely spoke as a kid, was very shy, and extremely polite, always said “please/thank you,” even asked permission to use the bathroom.
• I would hide when someone knocked at the door or came over.
• I struggled in school, I was behind, taught myself to read, but always had trouble with maths.
• I had strong sensory issues: I hated sounds like pencils, sweeping, chalkboards, crying babies, cleaning pans, scratching walls, etc. til this day I’ll cover my ears even if I’m outside.
• I’ve had anxiety and depression since I was very young. I was on sleeping pills at 12 and antidepressants at 15.
• I used to (and still do) feel deeply uncomfortable sharing cups, cutlery, or anything with others, I have to use my own.
• I loved history and picked it as a subject, but ended up skipping it because the class had different students and the change was too overwhelming.
• I have strong attachments to clothes/items. As a kid, I’d wear the same jacket through winter and summer, or only a sleeveless shirt regardless of weather ( I am better as an adult)

As an Adult:

• I hoard things and get anxious about change.
• I hate phone calls, appointments, or anything formal like that, they fill me with dread.
• I often laugh or respond in ways that feel “socially expected” rather than natural. I overthink what to say or whether something is the “right” response.
• I self-comfort by rocking back and forth, hugging myself, or rubbing my forehead with my fingers, but I hide it around others.
• I get anxious if my routine is changed.
• Wash my hands often, don’t like touching a lot of stuff and when things come from outside I’ve to wash them also my left curtain needs to be a little over my right one (OCD?)
• I speak to myself out loud when I’m alone. I feel calmer and more myself when no one’s around.
• I’ve always felt different, like I just couldn’t seem to fit in or make friends easily. I never understood why it was so effortless for others but overwhelming for me.

I don’t really know who I am and that’s a hard thing to admit.

Am I really good at masking or is it not autism?