My boyfriend is… too much

I don’t know how to handle/tell my boyfriend that I need some goddamn space.

I work a lot, and I mean a LOT. And so does he but our schedules are pretty misaligned. I do cherish our time together when we’re home, but it’s slowly being depleted because I can’t ever get tf away from him.

I’ll be at work, and he will deadass call me 1-6 times within an hour. If I don’t answer, he sends me texts saying “hello?” “do you hate me?” etc. I’ve tried talking to him about it before, saying that I’m at work and can’t be on my phone 24/7, and that I’ll talk to him when I can. But he always shuts down and thinks I hate him or that he’s doing something wrong. One of the things that bothers me whenever I do answer is that he will also be talking to his coworkers or people he’s working with… and not me. Why are you calling me if you’re not going to talk to me? It’s a bother because he knows I’m busy, I’ve told him countless fucking times and he’s just wasting my time by chopping it up with whoever else. It genuinely makes me want to freak out.

I’m almost to a point where if I’m at work, I’m muting his notifications. If I answer his call and he’s talking to someone else, I’m going to hang up.

When I get home, I just want to decompress for a little bit. And I don’t think I ask for a lot, like 30 minutes to maybe an hour. I spend 8-12 hours a day of nothing but TALKING to so many people. He will talk for hours on end if he can. And I love him, he’s very passionate about things which is great. But I will just say “hey it’s been a long day, I just need some quiet alone time”. And he gets depressed and acts weird, like I just shot his dog and went on about my day.

When I’m over at my friends or we’re out on a girls night or whatever it may be that’s not with him, he wants me to be constantly talking to him. And I understand that he doesn’t want to be left out or “forgotten” about, but he will call in the middle of a movie and try to talk to me for half an hour, if not longer. One time I didn’t respond for like 2 hours and he SHOWED UP to where we were.

When we’re home, we always have to be doing what he wants to do. I can never get any time alone, or really do things that I want to do. And if I do, I feel rushed because he’s always asking “are we still doing this after?” “do you think it’ll be much longer?” “I guess this means we aren’t hanging out…”. I DON’T GET IT!!! It’s actually driving me crazy… I feel like my life has to adjust to his and he won’t do the same for me.

I feel terrible because I feel trapped in my own home. I can’t think the things I want to think, because they’re not what he’s thinking. I can’t do the things I want to do because it’s not what he wants to do. I rarely hang out with my friends, and when I do he gets sad because “he misses me and wants to hangout” when we hang out almost every. Single. Day.

Any advice would help! I’ve tried having so many conversations about space, how I’m busy at work and can’t talk all the time, how I feel like I can’t indulge in my hobbies, how all my attention has to be on him or he gets upset. He always shuts down and acts like I don’t care about him and that he’s such an inconvenience.