[Real] (07/01/2025) journey

Once I wrote about a friend who told me I was loyal to a fault. At that time I didn’t think that was possible. As I have changed my life I am realizing that she was right. I was so loyal for so long I lost myself. I didn’t realize my loyalty was causing me to be blind to how I was being treated. Once I was away from my toxic environment I was able to see things clearly. I was giving so much and being so loyal to someone who did not appreciate or return the same to me. I tried for so long I forgot what it felt like to have someone give me loyalty and respect. It has been so eye opening to have someone treat me with respect, someone who takes my feelings into consideration. I can’t remember the last time I have felt safe and heard. It has made me see how much I have given up trying to continue my relationship. It has made me realize how I was willing to accept the bear minimum from someone because I felt a loyalty to him. Something that was never returned. Until the last conversation he would not take accountability for the things that hurt me all while saying he understood and had changed. So now I can understand what she saw in me what she saw me giving to a person who refused to see my effort, to a person who took my loyalty for granted. At 1st I felt embarrassed. So many people saw what I was willing to accept for love, for loyalty. But now I have come to accept that although a hard situation, it taught me strength, strength I didn’t know I had. I am not embarrassed of how I felt and how I fought for the love I wanted. I am not sorry for giving loyalty to the man I thought was my forever. I am mad that I let myself fall so far that I could not see my worth, to know I deserved more, to know that I was not being loved in the same way I was giving. This clarity makes me so much more aware of the relationships I am growing now. I know how I should not be treated and am learning how I should be treated. I am healing although scared and guarded. I understand now how to never make my loyalty something that can hurt me. I will never be loyal to a fault again….thanks for your honesty E.