Need help

Can’t go to actual therapy since I will be blacklisted and never be able to get a job in my career. Been feeling very unmotivated and losing interest in everything. Falling more into depression by the day and don’t know what to do. I don’t know what it is, fear of failure, perfectionism, leading to terrible procrastination and then feeling awful that i didn’t get anything done. Just day after day of feeling like I can’t get up and then I’ll finally have a good day but the next day is terrible because I’m just back in my normal depressing life.