Confession About Suicidal Thoughts

I am 14m, and i’ve been suicidal for a few years now, if your wondering i’m on a throwaway cause I’m too embarrassed to post this on my main, I can’t escape my suicidal thoughts even after a good period of time, I don’t self-harm but I have attempted at one point to stab myself back when I was in the fourth grade however I didn’t know the difference between a butter knife and a regular knife, i’m scared i’m gonna die one day cause of these thoughts pushing me over the edge, i’ve been pushed to the edge multiple times yet I found help somehow, but still despite being on medicine and being in therapy these thoughts get to my head all the time, I have everything in life, I have friends, family, I was an all-county choir member, and yet I still have suicidal thoughts all the time, it’s hard to talk about this but I needed to get this out there, it feels like some friends don’t take me seriously anymore and don’t care anymore that i’m suicidal, I just want you guys to know that mental health problems don’t discriminate, and i’m sure you guys hear about shit like this all the time but I just needed to get this out there, thanks for reading