My BF has death grip/maybe PIED. I believe I also have a porn addiction. What to do if it’s a problem for both partners

I recently started dating my bf and became intimate with him. We are both mid twenties, and we are long distance. He hadn’t had sex in years before me, which I do believe he was honest about as he is generally less experienced sexually than me. He is able to maintain an erection the first time we have sex after not seeing each other for a week or so and go to completion, but after that in the days that follow, he can’t stay hard or finish without masturbating himself. He warned me about this before we had sex for the first time, telling me it’s always been a problem for him. He started watching porn and masturbating before he was 10.

I myself started watching porn and masturbating in middle school. I realized this was probably a real problem when I needed to watch it to get myself to finish when I was having phone sex with my current bf. And I know how badly I would hurt if I found out he didn’t the same.

I have gone months without watching it, particularly when I was with my ex boyfriend and we both agreed to stop watching (spoiler, he didn’t stop, see below) Unfortunately, I think the resentment that followed created an unhealthy desire to even the playing field before and after we broke up. I started watching more porn as a coping mechanism, worsening my addiction. I feel like ever since we broke up my hypersexuality has been worse. I do think I could have an addiction.

My ex bf of 3 years had a severe porn addiction that caused a number of issues with us and ultimately was a precursor to him cheating and it was later revealed that he sexually assaulted someone in his family which I do believe was likely related to his consumption of porn and warped reality.

My current bf is very motivated to fix things on his side and has apologized to me for his issues with libido. He says he is trying to masturbate less frequently and I do believe him. I (perhaps unwisely) told him that I don’t care if he watches porn because I do too, but if we continue to have issues in our sex life i may have a problem with it. I realize now this wasn’t the best idea and that we likely both struggle with an addiction. I am hesitant to ask him to stop together because my ex told me he did but continued to do so behind my back, ultimately escalating to violent and extremely taboo things. I struggle to believe any man will truly stop and I think this subconsciously tells me that there’s no point in me quitting either.

He doesn’t like the thought of me watching other men/seeing their pen*ses. I am attracted to women so I primarily find myself watching the women when I’m watching porn, so it feels entirely hypocritical for me to criticize him for doing the same. He’s able to make me finish when we’re together in person, but female and male anatomy is so different, I don’t know if it’s right to compare the severity of our problem based on that.

What do I do? I find that women are silent in their struggles with masturbation porn addiction and don’t have anyone to talk to this about. I am at the stage where I have realized I have a problem, I have a partner who may have the same problem, but I am struggling to believe there is realistic hope for us to both stop.