Something happened online when I was younger, and now I feel stuck and numb

When I was around 11–13, I talked to this older guy online. He said he tried to kill himself, and I felt bad, so I sent him some kind messages. Later, he said I was the only one who didn’t bully him. Then things got weird — he started saying NSFW stuff. I’m a boy, and he’s married and older.

I should’ve blocked him earlier, but I didn’t want him to be alone. One day I finally said goodbye and blocked him.

Now I’m 13/14 and I feel numb a lot. I watch stuff I know isn’t good for me, then stop, then start again. I can’t make real friends at my new school, and the friends I have talk about stuff I don’t want to hear.

My good friends leave the school next year, and I just moved here. It feels like every time I get close to someone, they’re gone. That makes me feel even more stuck and alone.

There’s more I want to say but I don’t know how. I don’t want to seek attention or anything, I just don’t know.

There’s more I struggle with, but I don’t know how to explain it. If I told my parents or adults, I’m scared they’d think I’m “crazy” or wouldn’t get me.