I can’t cope with the loss of my best friend

In the summer of 2020, as the sense of isolation and loneliness were overwhelming, this guy came into my life.

He had been left behind in a home and found nearly emaciated.

We bonded immediately.

A few years ago he had acl surgery, but did well recovering.

A month or so ago we learned he had a cancer by his spleen. But he continued to eat, smile, and be happy.

But late last week he looked at me in a way that said he was ready to go.

So Saturday the vet confirmed. I fed him a bunch of favorite treats. As they put the sedative in his right paw, I held his left. I wanted, perhaps selfishly, to be the last person he saw.

I’m 52. And can’t stop crying. Yesterday I actually contemplated ending my own life.

I’m maxed on psych drugs. But I’m just not making it.