Baby Blues - Need someone who can relate

Hi Reddit! FTM here, day 8 PP.

TLDR: I’ve never felt such crippling depression. Please tell me this is normal and that the baby blues will pass. And if you have any tips or tricks please share!

I’ve wanted to be a mother my whole life and my baby girl has exceeded absolutely every wildest expectation. She is so sweet, beautiful, and calm. I look at her and feel love like I’ve never known was possible.

BUT, I am in the throes of depression like I have never known. I’ve been prone to anxiety, but overall I’m a very happy person, that has never had real depression, I’ve known the feeling of depression after a triggering event like a breakup or loss of a loved one, but within a few days I’ve been back to my normal self.

But this is a whole new thing for me, I cry multiple times a day, I can’t eat, I have a hard time feeling joy in anything. I feel incredibly guilty because I love my daughter so much, and she doesn’t deserve this version of me that is just sobbing as she lays next to me.

I think the biggest kickers for me is I hate not feeling in control, and I don’t like change. I’ve worked the same 9-5 job for 8 years, then all of a sudden I’m home 24/7, no structure, no routine and no ability to be in control because everything is now dictated by my daughters needs.

I have reached out to a postpartum mental health therapist and have my first appointment next week. I’ve also increased my dose of Zoloft. So I’m doing everything possible to combat this.

Just hoping someone comes across this post and can relate 🩷