PDMX increased my self-confidence

I'm (F29) nearly three months post-prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with aesthetic flat closure. The whole year I was considering and planning for this surgery, I was freaking out. I already had pretty low self-esteem, but one of the few things I liked about myself was my body. I was worried I would hate myself with a flat chest (I had reasons for not wanting reconstruction), that people would be rude to me about my appearance, that I would never find love (which I now realize is very unfair, since obviously there are many flat-chested women who have found love, and I regret thinking this).

But since the very first time I saw my flat chest encased in a surgical bra, even with those horrible drains snaking through my chest, I loved it! Granted, I would prefer to have my old body, and certainly to never have had to deal with all the pain and inconvenience of mastectomy, but I really think the flatchestedness suits my figure, in a way. I genuinely like the way I look. I have breast forms and prostheses just in case, but I have not worn them anywhere yet.

I do feel self-conscious often, and worried about what people are thinking of me, but never embarrassed. And I have no reason to be embarrassed. Plus, I've always been a self-conscious person, so this isn't even much of a change. I get stares sometimes, but, aside from one home nurse who came over after my surgery, no one has said anything rude to my face or disparaged my decision to not get reconstruction. And I still get smiles and (positive) looks from guys, so I guess some men are A-OK with flat chests.

Today was the day that I fully realized how my self-confidence has changed since my operation. I wore a bikini for the first time in my life. It was just to my apartment pool, and there were only two other people there, but for me, this was huge. I didn't even wear a swimsuit at all for about seven years throughout college and afterward because I was so needlessly self-conscious about my body. The last few years, I've been wearing a one-piece to hide my stomach fat and making sure I am fully hairless before heading out. But I went out today, a few days post-shave, stomach bared, scars on my sides showing - and I felt amazing.

I don't know if this newfound self-confidence came from the confidence of knowing that I got through my surgery and made the right choice for myself, or just from having a giant ego that tells me I'm a hottie no matter what, but I sure hope this lasts. For anyone who has undergone or is planning for or considering PDMX, it's an entirely personal choice with no right or wrong, but I hope you feel happy with your decision.