PTSD event triggered mania and now depression

33F. So to be clear, I’ve never been diagnosed with bi-polar its been the few years I’ve really thought that I could have it but was scared to take anti-psychotics/mood stabilizers because of the side effects/weight gain.

One month ago my house suffered a devastating fire while me and my kids were asleep. I woke up to a wall of flames at the back of my house. All humans and furbabies are safe physically but mentally I fucking lost it. I am a single parent, I have gone through an extreme amount of very stressful life events in the last few years and this is what seems to have broken me. I immediately went into a serious manic state, worse than I’ve ever experienced before. This lasted like 3 weeks and now I am so deeply depressed I cannot function. The anxiety, SI, rumination, dissociation, impulsivity, reckless behaviour etc has just never been worse. I am losing control of my own mind and my life.

I have booked a dr appt with my GP for next week. I don’t have a psychiatrist and where I am it would take a year to get in with one. My GP is pretty good about prescribing things and listening to me about my symptoms. I have been doing obsessive research and I think I want to try Lamotrigine.

I feel like I am going to explode if something doesn’t change. Like I cannot do life like this anymore.

I should add I am also doing EMDR now.