Dreams of my late mom

My mom died in 2018 from breast cancer.

I still have nightmares involving her treatment and death to this day…and I still feel like I’m living in the stress I used to experience back then.

But recently I dreamed about the prognosis consultation with the oncologist - and I relived the moment of my mom receiving the news that she only had maybe 6 months to live.

I was there with her in the room. I actually had to translate it myself to her as English wasn’t her first language.

Just….that pain of realization. That moment of the glass breaking - all life dreams and ambitions crushed from the words of a physician’s best estimate of how long you will have left to breathe.

It is more than heart break. Pure devastation.

Just pure pain…so much pain.

//

I’m sorry mama for not being able to grow old with you.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to build a full life with you, buy your dream house and car for you, raise that new puppy with you. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you for more years - so many more years you deserved.