i’m i wrong for feeling like this?(long post)

TLDR: i was assaulted by my cousin and i don’t think i blame him and im not mad about it.

i’ve been sexually assaulted at i’d say 10 or 11 by a distant cousin who was the same age as me, but honestly? i don’t think it affected me i mean sure maybe it affected me without me realizing it but i feel like i forgive the kid i mean im 15 now so my frontal lobe isn’t at its peak per say so i might not be fully taking this in but i don’t think i feel any hate or love to him i just don’t care. we all know kids these days are prone to all kinds of stuff cus of social media and that most if not all content isn’t child safe and having unrestricted access to it as a developing child isn’t gonna turn out well but i think that i don’t well blame him because children are prone to all kinds of brainwashing as children and that he probably wasn’t fully aware since he is a child and i need to cut him slack but i don’t know how to feel about it? i feel like i wanna beat him up cus that’s what i should do but i don’t think it’ll give me closure but im kinda mad that im gonna have to go my whole life knowing ive been assaulted and i just don’t know how to feel and im not asking you guys to feel for me or tell me what to do i just wanna see if anyone has been or is in the same situation im in and if they’ve gotten over it.

if you guys want the story of when he did assault me i can give you it if you guys think this is kinda insane