teenage patients are so funny

i work a planned parenthood so i see a lot of teens getting their first sti tests and birth control visits. they are my favorite kinds of patients.

1. they are so nervous, its cute. i had a teen girl in for a birth control visit today. we usually dont allow support people in the back during intake because of the nature of the questions we ask (we will for special circumstances) so her mom stayed in the lobby during rooming and the noise she made was so funny. like a very exaggerated gasp. (mom did get to come back after i was done rooming btw). i love the nervous ones because i get to be the one that eases their minds. i definitely relate to being a scared/embarrased teenager in regards to sex so its easy for me to put myself in their shoes. i love watching them relax their muscles, laugh and joke as the visit goes on and i build a rapport. highlight of my day.

2. the slang. its incomprehensible to me (28NB) but it reminds me of my baby brother (not so baby 22M) and how he talks. its hilarious listening to them. had a teen boy asking about if you can have STIs with no symptoms (yes) and he was like "yo no cap? deadass for real??" and i was like, solemnly "deadest of asses for the realest reals."

"damn. thats fucked up."

"and thats why we get tested."

another girl was complaining about the quality of gynecologists where she's from and she was like "lowkey its giving..... like they chatgpt'd their way through school." i just thought to myself honey they didn't have chatgpt when they were in school but i understand the sentiment.

3. they ask just interesting questions! i had one pt who would ask question after question about STIs, birth control, common vag problems like yeast and bv infections. She was genuinely so interested in hearing what i had to say. and she appreciated my honesty if i couldn't answer a question because it was above my scope or i just genuinely didn't know the answer. i live in a conservative state and the sex ed is noticably lacking. so being able to educate teens about sexual and reproductive health is so rewarding, especially because they repeat it to their friends who often come in later to find out more. they are so hungry for knowledge and it makes me so happy to see it.

4. they're just so baby. i dont mean it in an infantilizing way, i mean it in a Big Sister kind of way. i wish i could take all of them under my wing. its crazy looking at them and then remembering i used to be 16. i thought i was so grown. and i see the same attitude in them and im just like i know you wanna be grown, you want your independence but please for me savor your youth. you dont have to pay rent yet. you dont know what a roth ira is. you dont know the monotony of adult life. its dishes and laundry all the way down, kid. every day you get emails. you dont want that, not yet. have your fun.

5. the teen boys who act all tough and turn into a scared kitten when presented with a needle. ive had to give many rocephin shots to teen boys. i ALWAYS maintain professionalism, especially asking permission before i touch and asking if they want a warning before i poke them, but inside i just find it so funny how embarrassed they are. yes it goes in your butt. its gonna sting. im sorry. but its better than having gonorrhea. i uncap the needle and they fly across the room. same when we run out of rapid hiv and syphilis tests and i have to do a blood draw. its just a little needle (i mean its 1.5 inches) but i will make it as quick and painless as possible and they are always surprised when it is.

teens are just so goofy man. they really make my day.