I hate myself

I have struggled with depression, low self-esteem, and low self worth since I was a teenager. I have periods of time where I am okay but then a time will come where I feel worthless and like everyone would be better without me. Right now is hard.

The past few weeks I started to chat with a couple of guys online. The one guy I really like made me feel beautiful and wanted. He kept trying to get me to open a coinbase account. Finally I did and he put money in it for me to see how it works. He wanted me to put my own money in but I was so uncomfortable with it. I told him and he turned on me. He basically told me I am horrible and to never talk to him again. I was so into him and this hurt so much. I realize it was a scam. He found my profile on Hinge. What is it about me that said she is an easy target? She is pathetic, she will fall for this. I just feel so stupid and worthless.

Then to compound the situation a few things didn't go right at work this week. And few problems at home. With everything put together I am ust very hateful towards myself at the moment.

I don't really have anyone to talk to. My mom was my best friend and she died earlier this year. Although I probably wouldn't have told her these things. Telling people in your life that you hate yourself does not always go well. They can't understand the feeling

I did have the thought that I wanted to die. But I know if I did it that there is so much pain left behind for the people still alive. I wouldn't do that to my son or my dad.

I know my life is better then so many people in the world. I know all of this isn't tragic or life altering but I needed to get it out.