AITA for not asking permission to get married first?

M and I have been best friends since we were 5 and are very close in a group of 4 girls and it’s a given we are each others bridesmaids (M has asked me, I plan on doing so once wedding date is set).

M got engaged whilst pregnant in 2024 to her partner of 4 years and whilst on maternity leave has booked her wedding date for October 2026. I got engaged to my partner of 13 years in April 2025.

I wanted a Christmas 2025 wedding but with little time to plan we have decided on spring 2026 (no date set- currently viewing venues/deciding). I found out today from other friends I am expected to ask M’s permission to marry first and irrespective, she is incredibly angry that I’ll be getting married (or plan to) in 2026 as it’s “her wedding year”.

I am planning her hen-do for June 2026 and she’s also livid at the suggestion my wedding might be a few weeks before her hen. M has expressed she doesn’t care about how selfish she is being, as she was single for a long time and it’s her wedding, finally her time, about her, and that she will not speak to me about it because I should have the good grace to speak to her privately before making any plans or booking my wedding.

I dont have any family support financially, no mother to come wedding dress shopping with me and none of my close 3 friends are all that fussed by my engagement. It’s ok with me- I’m excited to marry my partner and start our family. I felt hurt about the lack of energy/interest initially but I chalk it up to everyone being busy (M has a nearly 1 year old, other friend is 7 months pregnant and the other lives abroad now). I do find wedding planning tough because it highlights the severity of my dysfunctional family on a day that does focus on the role of your parents, which they know.

But now I feel so sad that I’m in this situation. I’ve been called coy and cagey and I think the impression is I’m being sneaky or secretive. That was never my intention- I just don’t have anything to confirm yet and I also feel shy and awkward about being “me me me” when everyone has very important things in their life.

There has also been comments made that M thinks I am going to copy her wedding dress (we have similar tastes but having gone wedding dress shopping with M and was there was she found the one- I would never in a million years do this. I’m heartbroken at the suggestion M thinks this is something I would do.)

I don’t know what to do- I don’t want to compete with someone I love over a wedding day. I am excited and involved in all aspects of her day (insofar as she has told me or wants to discuss). I’m less forthcoming about my own wedding because nothing is booked yet and so little progress has been made aside from a general idea of when we want to marry, which is important to us in terms of also starting a family.

AITA for not being more forthcoming about the possibility of being married first? WIBTA if I don’t bring it up with her as she expects me to?