My grandad passed away and I need some type of help.

I’ve been on here before and got help with other stuff, but this is the first time I’m really putting this out there and I may delete this later on this week because I’m really sensitive on this topic. I’m 16 and my grandad passed away in 2020, and it honestly feels like a part of me disappeared when he did. He was such a funny, sweet, caring guy; everyone would want someone like him in their life. He’s the reason I loved going to church because I got to see him every Sunday and run up for hugs and kisses. He would take me out to lunch every week, and he was just my favorite person ever.

When he passed, I felt awful and kept thinking, “What would my life be without him?” It hit even harder since my great grandma passed just a year before. Every time there's a performance at church, I think about him and how he can’t be there to watch us. I miss being able to just go into his office and see him whenever I wanted. He used to take me to dance practice and would surprise me with visits. On my birthday every year, I'm sad in the morning because I know he won’t be around to see me grow up and take on more responsibilities.

I talked to someone at church who knew my grandma and she said I should try building a relationship with God and maybe talk to my grandma and mom about it. But I know if I bring it up, my grandma will cry because that was her husband and my mom’s dad. I know they need him too, but I really need him in my life, and I want him back so bad. This is just so hard. Can someone help me or tell me why I’m feeling this way? I felt like since it’s been almost 5 years, it would get better but it’s not.