Emotional Hiding

Do you guys ever feel like giving from people around you or feel a shift in comfort around people when not in mania? I think I just got out of a long period of mania, definitely helped along by substance abuse. I’m only Cali sober but trying to quit everyday…any advice on weed and bipolar would be great BUT my question is that I notice during a depression that people around being becomes very “prickly” I only get relieve when I’m alone but when I’m alone, I smoke so much and just stare at the wall on my dead during a depression. Moving or making anything to eat has been moving mountains. My dad is in the hospital for cancer as well and to be honest, I’ve been avoiding seeing him because of the emotions. I don’t want to destabilize myself but I also don’t want to get into the habit of giving away my power to this disease. I’m either everyone’s friend and want to socialize and get everything done in one day and I usually do. Now I’m depressed, I’m assuming but I don’t feel a particularly sad just want to be alone for the whole year and nerd out on the things I like but I know this is a fleeting. Personal connections are good even if they’re painful right now. It’s physically painful to interact with people.