One day

One day you’ll get married and I’ll ask myself “why couldn’t that have been me?”

Why wasn’t I enough to push you to do more through your anxiety? Why wasn’t I enough to love? Why wasn’t I the same comfort that you were for me? What was it about me? What made me imperfect?

I sat here and I asked myself these questions for what feels like forever. In reality it’s been two years. I finally tried moving on and you haven’t responded after I let you know that. You don’t have a right to be angry that I am moving on.

Slowly I learned how you are. But that never changed my feelings for you - if anything, it just made me care that much more about you. However, my curiosity led me to an answer I never wanted to initially accept - you will never change because you can’t. You like control, you like having a routine, no exploration, no risky challenges, no love.

Maybe you’ve loved before. But it never was enough to make you do anything different in life. You take leaps, and then you jump back. You can go the mile, but then you run back.

One day, you may get married - I just wish I fit into that story and could be the one to help you make your leaps.