You betrayed me, I felt destroyed and yet I still have feelings for you.

N,

Our relationship was both the best and the worst I ever had. You told me you wanted to grow old with me. You told me you wanted to start a family with me and so much more. But these were all just lies.
You used me to take advantage of me financially, but I don't care about the money. I feel betrayed. I feel destroyed. I feel angry. I loved you with all my heart or at least I loved the act that you put on.
I would have given everything to you. I would have put my own life on pause for years to pay back all your debts. I would have given my life for you.

When you realized you can no longer manipulate me you discarded me like trash. You tried to gaslight me, but you went overboard with it. If it was a little less obvious I might have taken it seriously, but you made things up, which I know are not true. I am proud of what I put into our relationship and I'll try to be even better in my next one.

You never really loved me and I think that you still love your abusive drug dealer ex from 5 years ago. Or you love the lifestyle and unlimited free drugs which you have had, I'm not sure and I don't care.

You ghosted me instead of providing me with closure and I really would have liked to get at least an apology. You are not capable of taking responsibility for your actions. Deep down you know what you did was wrong, but you don't want to face just how weak you are. You know everything I did was for your happiness and for you to have a better life. Hiding from your issues won't solve anything. You need to grow as a person otherwise you won't ever be happy. You need to stop using people to finance your drug and gaming addictions.

At least I know that I'm better off without you. We would have never stood a chance for the life that we imagined "together". I want my future children to have a loving and supportive mother who is there for them. You only want to sit on the couch and playing on your PS5 while smoking joints. I have different plans.

Despite feeling the angriest I have ever been I still care about you. I wish you to be truly happy, but that will only happen if you realize you can't do this any longer. You're almost 34 years old, you need to grow up...

...and I need to move on and I need to let you go finally.

I wish you the best!
Goodbye!