You learn something new every day, and have feelings 🤣

So I won't go into a novel, but I've been reunited with both my bio parents since I was 19. I'm now I'm my mid 30s. I see them regularly, talk more, they're active grandparents to my kids, yay. As far as stories go I have practically the gold star reunion-even so, there are always parts that are hard (for only me, it seems).

I've always known (well since reunion) that my mother family tried to get her to keep me. Many offered help, made plans, etc. They were toxic and she wanted better for me. I was also always told my bio dad pretty much said "get an abortion because I'm not getting involved" and had to be basically harassed to fill out the paperwork.

Yesterday, my mom was visiting, and we were chatting about how my dad basically will not come to any event she's at, and we don't know why. Last thing was my wedding, over 5 years ago. She said "well I'm sure he has some things he has to say to me". Of course, I asked what. She said "oh I've never told you this story"- well apparently right before I was born, he showed up at her door trying to make a case for not going through with the adoption.

I know he was a mess and would've probably been a terrible or at least absent father. He showed up at her door on a skateboard, ha. She ended the story with "i had absolutely no one good around me and wouldn't have been a good mother" (she had another daughter a few years after me who she kept). I said "you are a good mother" and she said "yeah, NOW-not then. Your parents are great, I have no regrets".

End of conversation

With every story I hear, it sounds to me like "damn, you really would have done anything to get rid of me" or "wow you really didn't want me". I know that's not how she thinks at all, or how she views it. That's not how it actually was. But it still sticks in my head, and I don't know how to fix it.

And there's really no point to this post except that.