BM vent (sorry!)

Mom’s been having trouble with bowel movements - she can’t move around much and I have a heck of a time getting her to drink enough. I load her up with high liquid content food (fruit, soup, etc.) but the last couple of days have been miserable for her. Worse, I guess, is that she doesn’t understand what’s going on. I can tell she’s uncomfortable, she can’t explain that she is uncomfortable, then says, “oh, it’s coming!” - but it isn’t. She’s super sensitive to stool softeners/laxatives - like one half-dose does nothing, then the next half-dose there’s s**t all over the place for two days. I just gave her a second half dose and I’m waiting for the explosion.

I just came off a 12-hour hospital shift - I’m a chaplain and respond to a lot of trauma calls and last night was brutal with fireworks injuries. Im exhausted this morning and I get home at 6am to crying that ‘I don’t know what’s going on! What am I doing? I wish I were dead!!!’ While sitting in her recliner naked from the waist down because she’s uncomfortable and doesn’t know why. Oh, and she’s incontinent both ways so her chair pads were soaked, her wet pants were lying on the floor, and she couldn’t understand why she could see her legs (uh, cause you’re naked maybe?).

I think I have her settled now. All I can do is love her, and I do, but it’s exhausting.

Dementia sucks. If you got this far, thanks for reading and I hope you all make it through your day with your sanity mostly intact.