My (41F) husband (44M) of 20 years is constantly messing things up because he doesn’t read or look at details.

My husband doesn’t read, look, or consider anything for more than a few seconds. He just wants to get things done and isn’t bothered with the details. It’s like the act of having to do thinking or planning is painful for him. So if I’m not constantly double checking stuff and doing all the admin tasks, things are constantly messed up.

It might not seem like a huge deal but it’s been 20 years of me having to double check things and do more mental work on everything while he just coasts along and does the fun bits. If I don’t, 9 times out 10 he overlooks some dumb detail and ends up creating more work and hassle for everyone.

It’s making me really frustrated, because doing all the detail work is HARD FOR MY BRAIN TOO!

Today I spent 12 hours traveling and had only eaten a pack of airplane crackers so I was starving. My husband picked me up at the airport and I was appreciative and thanked him. He offered to pick up food and I said yes and text my order to him so he would have it when he walked in. I tried to enjoy my peace in the car after being stuck next to a crying baby for hours.

He had the order in a text message written down and really no way to mess it up. But yet he did and got me the wrong thing, which made me ask him why he never reads anything thoroughly because I was frustrated. It was something I would never order.

He exploded and threw a plate into the sink and almost broke it and said I’m never appreciative and he doesn’t do anything right etc etc. He said he glanced at the order in the text message but didn’t really read it correctly because the name was similar to the other thing.

This is just one stupid example. Last week we spent $200 on lumber that he measured incorrectly.

It’s always something. If I don’t catch it or just do it myself it’s almost always wrong, but I’m exhausted and burnt out from working a very demanding full time job and I’m just running out of energy to do the thinking for both of us.

Am I being too controlling or unappreciative? Too critical? He does nice things but they just always feel half assed and messed up like minimal effort went into it.

I feel like I should be able to express my frustrations when I am always doing extra work or dealing with stuff being messed up for me. But if I say anything about it he explodes and acts aggressive and yells and it’s really gross to me.

He’s so insecure and scared of being wrong, yet he refuses to do the mental work of just double checking things.

He does not have ADHD.

TL;DR: Husband is always attempting to do nice or productive things but he messes everything up by refusing to pay attention to details because he “doesn’t like to”. I am frustrated with this.